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Contents Bulletin Scripting in shell and Perl Network troubleshooting History Humor

Softpanorama "Linux Sucks" Classics Collection
(1998-2008)

Coming Soon...
  • Linus - The Action Figure
  • Linus - The Breakfast Cereal
  • Linus - The Fragrance

Q: Where would we be without  regular Linux "is ready" to compete with Windows article? It feels like Linux has been reported as being "desktop ready" every month for the last 18 years...

A: I heard that 2011 may be the "Year of Linux on the Desktop"

Do not trust Finns, even bearing gifts :-)

The most "open" thing about Linux is the mouths.


"I overheard an argument about how to pronounce Linux. What a waste of time. Everyone knows that Linux is pronounced 'Not Windows'..."

Open source as free like in (libre) sex
     News Recommended Books Recommended Links Linus Torvalds RMS Eric Raymond Etc
Even though Unix is 33 years old, GNU is nearly 20 years old, Linux is almost 14 years old, and Windows XP is 5 years old (Windows NT is 10 years old), articles always refer to Linux as an "the upstart  operating system".
 
Linux is to operating systems what McDonalds is to gourmet cooking. Use FreeBSD.
 
"Linux is 90% of the way there -- but getting the final 10% of the way requires a level of money, effort and fascism that doesn't exist in the Linux community." -- Doc Searls, SuitWatch

 

- Linux made Linus to learn 386 assembly code.

- Do you think he succeeded?

Quotes

Definitions:

Words that should be in the Jargon File but aren't (Diary for mettw [8 Sep 2000 ]):

Raymondism: The deluded belief that free software defies Brooks' law, has fewer security exploits than non-free software and that just because thousands of people have access to the source code those same thousands of people will actually examine it.

Slashdot Affect: A form of depression that occurs when seeing a perfectly sensible post at slashdot be moderated down simply because it doesn't conform to the ideology of the herd.

Stories:

'I Provide Open Source Office Solutions,' Says Pitiful Little Man -- a nice parody on doc-coms in general and open source doc-coms in particular

"VisTech is your one-stop source for Internet and Intranet open source development, as well as open source software support and collaborative development" said Smuda, adjusting the toupee he has worn since age 23. "We are an open source company that can evaluate and integrate multi-platform open source solutions, including Linux, Apache, MySql, Python and Zope"

"Remember, no job is too small for the professionals at VisTech, and high quality is guaranteed" added the spouseless, childless man, who is destined to die alone and unloved. "And no job is too big for us, either."

... ... ...

Stallman Cloned to Finish his Job on Hurd

Unidentified fan cut off a piece of  RMS beard while he was sleeping after free software feather section at Usenix and cloned the man several times. "I want many more Stallman's clones" he explained in his phone conversation with New York times -- "I want them to write Hurd OS, the work unfinished by the original human prototype. Also both GCC and emacs now are showing its age and need fresh workforce to prevent stagnation. ". "That's the most effective way to support the idea of free software" the man stated.

There were rumors that he already has at least three RMS clones and expect to raise the number to nine in the near future.  I have enough generic material for a battalion of RMS clones boasted the man. He also mentioned that  Linus Torvalds clones are also in his plans.

Asked about question whether human cloning is legal the perpetrator of this mass RMS cloning replied to NYT correspondent Judith Miller that he does not care. "I think genes are essentially a form of software that wants to be free and realize themselves in as many copies as possible"   he  stated.

Other notable entries:

See also

Enjoy the collection !

Dr. Nikolai Bezroukov


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Writing a Pro-Linux response, the definitive guide

Harry Tuxxer and the curse of Windows 7 by: John Spencer

October 23, 2009 | ComputerworldUK


Harry stretched his legs at his workstation under the stairs. He had been there for the entire night debugging the latest iteration of Ubuntu Owl mail.

It was vital that he delivered a message to the old wizard Stallmandore. The forces of darkness felt closer than ever and Harry's scar throbbed as it always did when proprietary software vendors were close by.

Now it throbbed so much that Harry was sure it was not the thirteen cups of coffee he'd drank that night nor the utter brokenness of Owl_mail2.3. No this meant only one thing, Ballmermort must be abroad again. Harry must warn everyone! But first he needed a wee.

Harry was forbidden to do Open Source wizardry outside of the office. He was too young, but he had no choice, he had to risk it. Returning from the bathroom with a look of grim determination on his face he sat down and, as soon as he had stopped that cube spinning round out of control, he pressed SEND.

At once he was blinded by a green light bursting from the 22" LCD panel. The noise was like a thousand horsemen charging through the heavens... and then it was over, silence. Blinking Harry looked up. On the screen was a message: 'terminated at Line 2004, no such dependency or module owl.2.3_mod'. "Bugger," said Harry under his breath, "I'll have to risk G-mail."

Stallmandore sat in his study surrounded by magical creatures of antiquity. He was deep in thought contemplating the arcane and dark mysteries of GPL 3, a tome of such complexity that only Aurors of the First Order could understand. He was frowning deeply as his Phoenix announced dreamily "You Have Mail Master".

Wading through the three thousand or so spam-mails from trolls selling pills to increase the potency of his spells he saw Harry's message: "Ballmermort is abroad he has regained human form and is heading for the World Open Source Conference".

Stallmandore's eyes widened a fraction. "The Conference," he mused, "How bold he has become. There will be all of the great FOSS wizards there."

Later ....

The Conference was in happy mood. All of the speeches had been clapped with vigour and an orange-robed python code-monkey had whizzed around the hall on in his sky-skates shedding colourful stars over everyone and randomly reprogramming the wireless interface so that it rarely worked. But no-one really minded.

Suddenly all went silent and a sinister soul-sucking chill filled the air. On stage was a new speaker. He was dressed like a wizard and was talking of the virtues of Open Spells and Open Standards but no-one was fooled. It was Ballmermort!

[Oct 16, 2009] Tech Comics Stallman and Windows 7 — Datamation.com

Q: What's more fun the a Windows 7 launch party ?

A: Windows 7 launch party with Richard Stallman

[Mar 21, 2008] Penguin Suicide Bombers/The Terrorism of Open Source

Brilliant satire

March, 2008

The open source movement is widely recognized as “an important development” in the computer industry and has been both lauded and criticized by many pundits. However, despite exhaustive analysis and discussion, the phenomenon of open source has remained singularly vexing to classify. Variously, the open source movement has been classified as socialism, communism, a “gift economy”, charity, futilism and gullibilism. It has even caused distinguished Yale professors to wave the proverbial white flag and invent remarkably catchy new phrases such as “commons-based peer production”. Rolls right of the tongue.

Because it is widely understood that for anything to have any real meaning or be properly studied that it must first be stripped of its outward trappings and pigeon-holed as narrowly as possible, I, The Objective Observer, have risen to the challenge and will now properly classify the open source movement. In three scintillating acts I will first describe what open source is, dispel certain myths and pejorative characterizations of it (what open source isn’t) and finally analyze the open source movement’s goals and tactics to properly and succinctly explain its true nature.

The layman’s definition of open source software is software that is non-proprietary or “free” and can be modified by anyone with the requisite programming knowledge without the constraints of overly restrictive licensing. Now, there are certainly those that will decry this definition as incomplete since there are apparently entire organizations, such as the Open Source Initiative, whose seemingly sole reason for existence is to maintain the exact definition of the term “open source”. Thus, it is highly unlikely that a single sentence definition for so complex a term as to require its own dedicated organization to define it; no matter how expertly crafted, will universally satisfy everyone. However, the important thing to remember here is that open source software is different than commercial software because commercial software makers incur expenses from employing software developers, charge for their software, have restrictive licenses on its use and do not release their source code. Conversely, open source software is built by a process in which one or more individuals collaborate to create software and then release that software and its source code to the public domain. These individuals are not paid to create the software and they may never make a dime from it.

As altruistic and benevolent as this all sounds, open source is not without its detractors; who have variously categorized open source as “socialism” or even “communism”. Most notably, SAP; a large European software manufacturer has criticized open source as “intellectual property socialism” and Bill Gates has even hinted that the open source movement is communism. For some perspective, remember that Bill Gates has been feuding with the “free” software movement for over three decades. These characterizations are used pejoratively and are highly inaccurate, proving yet again the age old adage that technologists know much more about bits and bytes than they do about socio-economic systems.

Socialism and communism are both economic and political ideologies typically characterized by State control of property, distribution of wealth and/or means of production. Open source has no “State” or governing body and thus it is perhaps more correctly characterized as Anarchism or Fascist socialization, which is not really as bad as it sounds; look it up. However, the problem with all of these characterizations is the same; they make certain incorrect assumptions and thus fail to capture the core essence of the movement. All of these characterizations attempt to fit the open source movement into the presupposed category of a political ideology or socio-economic system. But this is most definitely NOT what the open source movement is all about because it completely and utterly misses the mark with respect to the origin of the open source movement, its goals and its tactics. Under this ridiculously broad characterization, two neighbors who borrow sugar from one another in order to make cookies for a volunteer church function could be categorized as socialists or communists.

Another myth that must be dispelled is the analogy of a charity or non-profit organization. While there is most definitely an element of volunteerism present within the open source movement, again, there is no clear organization that masterminds or directs giving. In addition, most true volunteer efforts offer direct assistance to specific groups of individuals. For example, after a flood, the Red Cross might show up on your doorstep and give you a bucket and mop or if you are house-bound “Meals on Wheels” might show up on your doorstep with some vittles. With open source, there is no central organization and there is no direct beneficiary to benefactor relationship. Open source projects are simply posted online and it is up to potential beneficiaries to find them. This is akin to the Red Cross keeping a warehouse of mops and buckets and expecting flood victims to come get them or “Meals on Wheels” cooking mass amounts of food and hoping people show up to eat it.

The biggest issue with characterizing open source as purely volunteerism, however, is the same problem as classifying it as a socio-economic system or political ideology which is that such a classification focuses on only a single aspect of the open source movement. Any characterization which focuses on a single trait instead of all traits is undoubtedly flawed.

Having debunked the typical characterizations of the open source movement, the question remains as to exactly what IS the open source movement? To answer this, the only objective thing to do is to first make a list of the open source movement’s defining characteristics and then draw some sort of analogy or conclusion. Research shows that there are five primary characteristics or traits of the open source movement.

Given these five characteristics, there is one and only one inescapable conclusion. The open source movement most closely resembles a terrorist organization. Now, I do not say this to be pejorative or otherwise mean-spirited to the open source movement but the similarities are rather striking. To point…

I am not aware of any other entity, group or idea that matches these five primary characteristics of the open source movement as exactly as terrorist organizations. Even more telling, one final similarity that deserves mentioning is the complete disregard both groups have for “non-combatants”. In the terrorist world, innocent bystanders and civilians are fair game and considered acceptable collateral damage. So too are non-technical folks in the open source realm of thinking. The open source movement seeks to destroy Microsoft even though open source technologies are not as easy to use or intuitive for non-technical users. If the open source movement was to succeed, those non-technical users would be brushed aside simply as collateral damage.

I want to stress here that I am not a Microsoft apologist and bear the open source community no ill will, but facts are facts. Besides, it has been stated that one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter so I am not here to judge but rather to simply provide an objective analysis. My sole purpose is to point out for academics and scholars that attempting to study the open source movement by latching onto a single trait or characteristic is a flawed endeavor. No scientific knowledge can be gained from incorrectly classifying and studying the open source movement in terms of socio-economic theory or as a charity organization. True progress can only be made by instead recognizing the open source movement for what it truly is, a form of terrorism.

[Dec 3, 2006] Layoffs and CEO Resignation At OSDL

So

(Score:1)

by warrior_s (881715) on Monday December 04, @04:44PM (#17104882)

Did they let Linus go ?

Re:So

(Score:4, Funny)

by squiggleslash (241428) * on Monday December 04, @05:16PM (#17105336)
(Last Journal: Monday December 04, @01:35PM)

Sadly yes. Word is they're tapping Theo DeRaadt to take over kernel development, but this will be a part time, unpaid, position. Overall management of the direction of Linux will be given to Avie Tevanian, late of Mac OS X fame.

Also Alan Cox has announced he's leaving voluntarily to persue other interests. No replacement has been announced, though apparently Eric Raymond, Hans Reiser, and Kevin Warwick are being named as possible successors.

Developing...

(Note to mods: I'm going for +5 Funny, not -2 I don't understand the joke)

[Nov 24, 2006] Definition: Slash-idiots.

The most gullible and easily brainwashable part of Slashdot crowd with interests limited to Microsoft bashing and Xbox games . Blissfully unaware about world events and problems. Most visible when Slashdot open some political discussion about high profile international event.

[Oct 11, 2006] Transmeta Sues Intel for Patent Infringement

It's kind of ironic that the company vaunted and praised so vigorously for employing Linus now appears to have become a 'Patent portfolio operation.'

Jamie Zawinski - Wikiquote

jwz - Apple says fuck you to Mozilla

"unadulterated depths of uselessness that the Slashdot forums have pioneered"
Update, Jan 14: Apparently the fact that Paul Festa linked here from his CNET article is going to reduce my Livejournal to the unadulterated depths of uselessness that the Slashdot forums have pioneered, so I guess I'll just turn off comments until the newbie shitstorm blows on by.

I'm not interested in your opinion. I'm not interested in explaining to you how you've completely missed the point of my post. I just don't care.

Thank you, drive through.

Tens annual convention of software sadomasochists.

In the decade since the first software sadomasochists conference, we can proudly report that many people who attended the first no longer with us. Other have ulcers, depression, kidney diseases, substance abuse and other health problems but still are keeping the fort.

This year, we examined how being software sadomasochism deform personality, break marriages and fill in the knowledge gap about what's possible with software sadomasochism and how to get it done. Through hundreds of sessions, tutorials, activities, and events this year's convention is dedicated to extending the dialogue between the software sadomasochism community and the "traditional" software development.

... ... ...

[Sep 13, 2006] Sock Puppet Bites Man - New York Times

One of the joys of the Internet age is the great new lingo it is producing. To “flame wars” and “phishing” we can now add “sock puppet.” A sock puppet, for those still boning up, is a false identity through which a member of an Internet community speaks while pretending not to, like a puppeteer manipulating a hand puppet.

[Aug 30, 2006] internetnews.com: Open Source Windows Clone Coming Soon? The sect of open source sadomasochists ?&

Some programmers just cannot stop. They get up with the single thought: let's clone something and then do it all day long forgetting about eating, kaing a walk or sometimes even washing. Even if their cloning project just does not make any sense. For example the ReactOS open source project has been trying to come up with an open source 'clone' of Windows for 10 years... Those guys just got into mousetrap that Microsoft created me think. If you think that Window is nice target to clone you are so deeply mistaken, but disease is disease and those people can do nothing with themselves: there is a very subtle difference between hobby and mental decease.

Unix emulation of Windows might make sense although Xen solve this problem pretty nicely. Separate clone of Windows is an uphill battle with a software giant that understands perfectly well that overcomplexity is like protective suit for commercial software vendors. I am kind of sorry for developers putting efforts into it. To tell his son "Boy I spend my life trying to make a Windows clone to run Firefox for thin clients !" is not a heck of an achievement.

It might be better just improve Firefox on Unix be it Linux or FreeBSD or Solaris and it really needs improvement on this platform as it runs on Windows better.

[Aug 1, 2006] Open source needs sex education - ZDNet UK Comment

Open source as free like in (libre) sex -- a very interesting analogy

[Jul 25, 2006] The Linux Extremist » Blog Archive » Darth Linux

It’s very common among Linux enthusiasts to refer to Bill Gates as the “anti-Christ” or “Darth Vader”. I tried an experiment this morning by typing “Darth” and “Bill Gates” into Google. I got 432,000 results pairing the two together.

This seems unfair. First and foremost, Darth Vader is a genuinely entertaining personality and a master of the deadpan remark (e.g., “I find your lack of faith disturbing”), while Bill Gates is about as fun to listen to as an accountant on codeine reciting a poem on the virtues of watching paint dry. What is more is the Sith and Empire have much more in common with the Linux community than the Jedi and Republic.

I can already hear the howls of outrage from science fiction and Linux geeks from one end of the globe to another. “How dare you say such a thing?” they will say - “Microsoft is the evil empire, you’ve said it yourself, Groznii!” However, as a devotee of both Linux and the Dark Side, I can’t draw that conclusion.

Let’s look at the world of Star Wars prior to Episode IV, A New Hope. In Episodes I-III, the galaxy is ruled by the Old Republic, which is shown to be bloated, inefficient, and dysfunctional. Palpatine, while a Senator, says in Episode I, “The Republic is not what it once was. The Senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates. There is no interest in the common good.” Anakin Skywalker states in Episode II that the system “doesn’t work”. No one disagrees that there is a problem. A large, bloated organisation corrupted by greed and uninterested in the common good sounds rather like Microsoft. This impression is only enhanced by the attempt of the Confederacy of Independent Systems to try to break away; Palpatine, in his role as Chancellor, reaffirms the values of the Republic by being unwilling to allow the Republic to split in two. Padme Amidala may wish to resolve the dispute through negotiations, however she too also does not express any willingness to see the Republic divide. This indicates a rather “closed source” system of governance; rather than allow systems to strike out on their own, the Republic’s politicians are determined to see that member planets adhere to a singularity, the sole question is how much force should be used to preserve it.

In trying to maintain this order, the Jedi are rather like Microsoft’s adherents; they too cannot see an alternative to the Republic. They also cannot conceive of anything outside their rigid ideological framework that might challenge their teachings; they cannot understand the potential of innovation or inspiration to catch them out. For example, Anakin Skywalker was inspired by love for Padme and married her; the Jedi had difficulty imagining that he would disobey their key tenets so blatantly, and it cost them in the end.

In contrast, Palpatine is a figure that could have come out of Bill Gates’ nightmares. He was one man, working largely alone, who had a new idea which was going to sweep everything else aside. Rather like Linux, the Sith idea developed underground. Rather like Linux, having the right apprentices (e.g., other open source projects like Gnome and Firefox) was key. Rather like the Republic’s problems paved the way for the Sith, Microsoft’s weaknesses created the opportunities which Linux has exploited. With a full OS war underway, it appears that Microsoft is losing, particularly in serving up web applications.

The comparisons run deeper. Once Palpatine won, he continued to show an Open Source sense of solving some problems. Rather than maintain control of the Galaxy through the Senate’s single bureaucracy, in Episode IV, Palpatine abolishes it, and gives regional governors direct control, thus freeing them to govern in any way they see fit. Yes, they have to adhere to an overall framework of Empire (which can possibly be construed as Open Standards), but there is no overall single blueprint for how each of these territories is to develop.

Palpatine’s farming out of clone troops to Open Source projects was less successful. Star Wars literature informs us that after the Clone Wars, Stormtroopers were drawn from a mixture of sources, clones of a number of people and non-clone individuals, as well as clones of Jango Fett. Unfortunately as Episode IV shows, new clones which couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn with 50 blaster shots were made en masse; obviously bug checking wasn’t strong enough on Version 2.0 of the Clone Trooper project.

The Sith and Empire’s fate also contain a warning for the Open Source community; they were at their best when innovating to bring down a bloated rival. Once the rival had been destroyed, some level of complacency crept in. While Palpatine’s plans were masterful, he was unable to foresee how the tiniest of elements, namely teddy bears armed with sticks, could cause them to come undone. Open Source needs to maintain momentum and a certain level of comparison to other models lest it fall as well.

Overall, however, the comparison between the Dark Side and those working on Linux appears to contain more commonalities than differences. Perhaps in future people will start claiming that Bill Gates’ thinking is about as backwards as Yoda’s speech patterns, and Linus Torvalds will step up to claim his Sith name; after all, Darth Linux seems a worthy title.

[Jun 20, 2006] News about Gates forthcoming departure from Microsoft created problems for Linux top guns

"This is another evil Microsoft trick directed against free software and in no way I am stepping down from FSF" declared Richard Stallman.

"No I am a lifer and will die debugging Linux kernel" echoed his sentiments Linux Torvalds.

Of course "Pimping Linux and Booing Bill" series got a flash continuation on Slashdot. Nothing is more persistent then black humor from zealots disconnected from reality.

[ Jun 16, 2006] Linux Today - Linux-Watch Is Gates' Retirement Linux's Chance Nice open source zealot prayer in one of the readers feedbacks ( Subject: PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE ( Jun 16, 2006, 13:59:11 ) )

Please oh please let linux take over half of Microsofts monopolized share of the pc os market.
I promise Lord that I will stop drinking, stop smoking, stop looking at porn and I promise to always use my Linux box for everything now and I will quit sneaking over to my windows box when no one is looking!!!!

....

Come on, Steven just need to feed his family. He probably does not believe in this crap of yet another chance to be missed after a hundred already missed :-).

But he needs to write about something to feed his family, you know...

[Jun 15, 2006] Is open source partially degenerated into the pasture of new type of graphomans "riders without head" ? (you probably saw Sleepy Hollow aka "The legend of the Rider without head" ( I love Johnny Depp)

"You know that story about the rider without head? That's who we are... because sometimes we get a lot of energy, but no brain."

Andrey Kirilenko

[June 13, 2006] Open Source Licensing and the Persistence of Evil variation of the theme suggested in DAVE ROSENBERG AND MATT ASAY column in InfoWorld

After reading Creation and the Persistence of Evil Books by Jon D. Levenson I had found that the reasoning of the author is completely applicable to open source. The best summary comes from a reader's review on Amazon (link above):
...Levenson makes a compelling case for the idea that the act of creation consisted (and consists!) of God's mastering preexistent forces of chaos rather than the simple, unopposed production of something out of nothing--and that these forces were not vanquished but continue to exist under restraints that are subject to fluctuations in God's vigilance. In this view, creation is neither static nor finished but is, as the subtitle suggests, a drama requiring ongoing application of divine attention and energy. And creation was, and is, a process of ordering reality by separating things, by establishing and maintaining boundaries.

In other words, things were not created ex nihilo (which is a poor translation, anyway) but rather ordered out of chaos.

I actually find earth creation as described in bible oddly familiar to the 'creation' of open source and GNU license was the act of creation the mastered preexistent forces of chaos (copyright law) and directed them for new mission by revelation of GPL. Now I am starting to see open source everywhere and equate Richard Stallman with God, no matter of St. Ignucius jokes on this subject. I am not sure that he used to rest on the seventh day but those are different times anyway.

Open source, of course, has not yet "conquered evil.": it did not manage to completely displace proprietary software. But we should all unite for this noble goal and work to ensure that developers asked not "Why open source?", but rather "Why not open source?" The growing tide of adoption of open source religion is pretty lose to Christianization of pagan nations.

Over time, more and more developers and vendors will recognize the inherent weaknesses of proprietary software licensing, will opt for open source and recognize Richard Stallman as their Lord.

In the meantime, the best vigilance against backsliding into chaos is reading GNU license as a dinner prayer.

[Jun 12, 2006] People who love open source most passionately almost never read sources ;-)

[May 14, 2006] Template for "GPL zealot cease and desist letter" As FSF failed to provide a useful template for "GPL zealot cease and desist letter" we can feel the void (see also usually zealot's chewing Slashdot hey on this topic) :

Dear open source developer,

It seems that your XXX software product contains the non-GPL YYYY drivers. I never read GPL but I fully understand its spirit and hereby request that you cease distribution of these drivers as part of your product.

I feel that your software goes against the open source spirit and I enjoy the phrase "cease and desist" so much that I cannot stop writing everybody about their GPL license violations. I also have a dream that one day Slashdot will notice my letter writing campaign and one of such letters will made me famous. I am convinced that rallying against the GPL violations that are really quite difficult to see or nonexistent altogether is perfectly acceptable.

While I applaud your effort to write open source software, I urge you to stop doing this under GPL license because you definitely violate GPL in one way or another. If not today with version 2 then tomorrow with version 3. Essentially you are a serial violator of GPL and you should understand that. And not only serial violator, you are also a bait for GPL vigilantes like me who need to skip school to write yet another "cease and desist" letter, just because we cannot stop. If they will kick me out of school this summer you will be responsible. I believe you have willfully infringed my rights under 17 U.S.C. Section 101 et seq. and could be liable for statutory damages as high as $150,000 as set forth in Section 504(c)(2) therein.

I demand that you immediately cease the use and distribution of all infringing works derived from the GPL covered code, and all copies, including electronic copies, of same, that you deliver to me, if applicable, all unused, undistributed copies of same, or destroy such copies immediately and that you desist from this or any other infringement of my rights in the future. If I have not received an affirmative response from you by [date; give them about 2 weeks] indicating that you have fully complied with these requirements, I shall take further action against you.

If you already stopped using GPL and switched to BSD please accept my sincere apologies and discard the letter.

Very truly yours,

Linux Zealot

ShelleyTheRepublican.com Linux A European threat to our computers (by Tristan). Note a very strong ending: "Finally, remember to include Linux users in your prayers tonight. As individuals we may not be able to change people's minds, but the Bible teaches that God can make any sinner repent."

Like most things that are worth owning, Computers are an American invention. Look at any modern computer and you will see that the whole thing is the product of American brilliance.

For example, this rugged IBM laptop I am using was designed and built by an American company. It runs software built by Microsoft, one of America's most productive organizations. My computer does everything I could possibly want: I can do my work, submit my taxes and even search the Bible.

Like all the greatest American engineering, it's an example of innovation that makes a growing group of European and Chinese hackers jealous. They hate our lead in computing technology and will stop at nothing until they have control of all of our computers.

I'm talking about a project called 'Linux', something you may not have encountered, but might do some day.
It's a computer program that was initially developed in Finland as a means of circumventing valuable copyrights and patents owned by an American company called SCO Group.

Unlike Windows, which is a mature commercial product which is normally included with every new computer, Linux is given away. Now it may not sound like much of a problem, after all there is very little profit in merely giving a product away.

This would be certainly true were in not for the Linux project's seductive Marxist ideology and the effect that it has on 'Blue-State' liberals. Indeed, Linux is so pervasive amongst the blue states and many liberal universities that a leading computer expert Steve Balmer (from Microsoft) described Linux as cancer.

The American software industry is worth more than $7 Billion; Introducing a foreign product like Linux which is often copied for free could threaten that entire industry. A generation of computer users might get use to accepting foreign software hand-outs rather than paying for a superior American products. If only the danger were just to our economy:

These days computers control everything from TV stations to battleships; Our crucial information and defense infrastructure is built on computer technology. If we allow this cancer into our networks, there is no knowing what the effect might be on our infrastructure, but that is just what liberals are trying to do.

Imagine if the State of the Union address were hacked because the TV station decided to save money by using Linux? Imagine if a stealth-bomber crashed because it's software was written by anonymous Chinese or European hackers. It would make as much sense as inviting the French to come over and take over the White-House.

And guess what software Osama Bin Laden uses on his laptop?

If you guessed it was Linux you would be 100% right. Osama uses Linux because he knows designed to counterfit DVDs, curcumventing the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, and defraud companies like Disney.

Next time somebody asks you how Al Queda agents pay for their rifles and rocket launchers, you can tell them that foreign hackers make software called Linux which helps them steal from Americans.

This Linux problem is a growing issue, and one that conservative Americans cannot afford to ignore. Fortunately Microsoft have prepared a great deal of information to help computer users get away from this menace. But there is something you can do to help keep American #1 in the computer business:

If one of your friends is using Linux or may be tempted to try it show them this article. Explain that Linux is a genuine threat and that by using it they may be opening their computer to Chinese hackers.

If you see a company using Linux, it may be that they have not paid for this software. Report them to the Business Software Alliance who have the legal authority to inspect any company's computers for illegal programs like Linux.

Finally, remember to include Linux users in your prayers tonight. As individuals we may not be able to change people's minds, but the Bible teaches that God can make any sinner repent.

Tristan

[Apr 1, 2006] Celebration of a decade of the publishing of classic genre of "Linux will become dominant on the desktop the next year" articles produced a surprise new winner.

This landmark event traditionally celebrated on April 1 ( with March 31 as the deadlines for the publication) did not bring much celebrities like Linus Torvalds or Cmd Taco. This year it went almost unnoticed: only several ten thousand blogs and Website predicted eventual demise of Microsoft Windows in 2005. While this is a significant increase from 1996 when the number of such sites was below one hundred it lags general increase in the number of Web site by several orders of magnitude. The surprise winner of this year contest managed to beat such venerable competitors as ZDNet and Slashdot and produced a really slick presentation of the favorite theme:

"With Microsoft pushing the release of Vista back yet again, there is a tremendous opportunity for a new sheriff to come to town.

We are confident that mass shift to Linux could happen this time. The math is simple: There are millions of PCs out there that are running Windows XP and are now approaching the end of their service life..."

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[Apr 1, 2006] [Microsoft Press Release] Bill Gates to help open source developers.

For an undisclosed sum Microsoft bought Open Source Office and Mozilla, two leading open-source desktop projects. In personal note to open source developers involved in the projects Bill Gates noted that he "was sick and tired' of seeing very decent programmers earning nothing for the code they produce and many having health problems while Mozilla foundation officials and Sun executives are flush with money". Microsoft will established a flat salary of $50K per year for key developers and will provide discounted health insurance for those who are located in the USA.

The projects will form a part of a growing list of Microsoft acquisitions in open source area and will operated as independent subsidiaries of Microsoft Research. In his interview to London Telegraph Bill Gates stresses that his goal is to help talented programmers to survive all over the globe and get the remuneration they and their families definitly deserve.

" I think that personal charity of Richard Stallman is bad enough and cases of inhuman exploitation of free labor and human talent should be stopped," Bill Gates said. "If Stallman really wants to be fair he should abolish this money laundering scheme and go work to McDonalds, that's his personal choice." He also noted that the initial meaning of the word "talent" was a currency unit somewhere in Mesopotamia and that the fact that such a name was used as a synonym for high human intelligence is not without the reason.

[Jan 12, 2006] WashingtonPost.com: Microsoft A la Hollywood Nice parody. I especially like the statement "here is one segment of American society that can't be bought and will not be silenced. That is Hollywood." Is open source another Hollywood, "winner takes all" society of "star"millionatires, who outsmarted a lot of open source statists ? ...

"...Thank goodness there is one segment of American society that can't be bought and will not be silenced. That is Hollywood. The great cause for which "Antitrust" sacrifices the lives of brilliant young software developers is open-source code. Open-source crusaders believe that software should not be copyrighted. They believe that universal freedom to use and tinker with existing programs is the best way to promote future innovations. But more than that: They believe the very concept of intellectual property rights -- legal ownership of information in any form -- is downright immoral."

"As young Milo declares in the last line of the movie, as the music swells (and if you're in any actual doubt about how this plot comes out, stop reading here -- if you can read), "Human knowledge belongs to the world!"

Humorix The Hottest New Distribution LinuXXX

LAS VEGAS -- Described as the world's first "pornographic operating system," a new Linux distribution called LinuXXX was unveiled earlier today at a press conference in the lobby of a Las Vegas hotel. Sales of the distro have been... well, hot.

"Why didn't I think of this?" said a Linux groupie who waited in line to purchase a limited edition LinuXXX boxed set (with discreet brown paper bag) for $69.95. "This will be the perfect addition to my bachelor pad of doom."

The co-creator of LinuXXX, Eric Hefner, said that the inspiration for the all-porn OS came from the Ubuntu Linux distribution. "When Ubuntu revealed their original cleavage-enhanced splash screen, I knew the world was ready for a Triple-X operating system."

But LinuXXX contains much more than scandalous splash screens and desktop wallpaper...

Linux; kids without adult supervision -- contains a nice picture ;-)

Tux dictionary

Bicoherent The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity, by Carlo M. Cipolla Perfectly applicable to Linux crowd...

The First Law:

Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.

The Second Law:

The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.

The Third Law:

A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.

The Forth Law:

Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.

The Fifth Law:

A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.

The corollary of the Law is that:

A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit.

Linux Today - Linux Journal The Penguin Driven Church Office

"Every church faces challenges. Ours is growth. Thanks to a donation of 19 computers, we now have more computers than church members. Like church members who simply keep the pews warm, some of these machines need refurbishing. Several do work rather nicely, however. So when I tell you that one of our most active church members is a friendly little penguin who manages our church's data, I'm being quite honest. We call him Saint Tux.

"Why should churches let penguins into the Pastor's study? That's a fair question. We considered our options rather carefully. Cost, choice, freedom, ease of use and ability to customize the software were our main issues..."

Linus Torvalds, Superstar

Alan Cox
...Listen Linus to the warning I'll say,
Don't you see that I just want them to pay,
It's a hacker's OS,
Have you forgotten our low market share, oooh!

I am frightened by this mess,
For we are getting too much press,
And they'll crush us in the end-user desktop!

Helsinki, your famous son
Should have stayed a great unknown...
Eric Raymond
...Don't you know
You'll all get rich, yes
You'll all be rich,

And the code is really, really good
For every business in your neighborhood...
Investors
I don't know how to profit
I can't see what to charge for
It's all free
Seems strange to me...

comp.os.linux.misc

CausticTech The Open Source Zealot -- slightly censored ;-)

ignorance
n: the lack of knowledge or education
-WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University

zealot
n: a fervent and even militant proponent of something
-WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University

(can you imagine the damage that can ensue when the above two words decide to get together...)

Over the years there has been much written about the rather, shall we say...enthusiastic nature of the Open Source Zealot. Hopefully i will be able to contribute something original to literature...

Open source software is like anything else on the goddamn planet. Some of it is good, and some of it just sucks. I see no difference between this and any other kind of software. However, I am fascinated (and always amused) by the people who are so utterly engrossed with this staff. They really are a breed apart.

First off, what many people don't know is that there are actually several different kinds of Open Source Zealots. While not being comprehensive, I thought we'd go over a few of the more prominent subspecies (there is also plenty of overlapping):

The Guru

Kind, sagely, wise...these are the guys that are usually the most prominent and visible of the Open Source Zealots. they also feel the need to be the self-appointed "voice of the community."

Personally, i think any community would be pretty suspect if one of their own self-appointed gurus can't even get his printer working. In addition to apparently having problems with their computer peripherals, they feel the need to spew and pontificate by writing books that have such grand titles as The Art of Unix Programming and the The Cathedral and the Bazaar.

BTW have you ever even been to a bazaar? They are dirty, noisy, full of shady characters, and anybody selling anything is just out to screw you out of your money. This is going to be the software development model of the future? You're kidding me, right? Where to do these self-aggrandizing analogies come from? Another very important aspect of The Guru is to frame all this dorkness into a zen like semi-spiritual framework (and thereby unknowingly given even more credence to the term zealot).

This approach has several advantages to The Guru, because any logical, rational, or valid argument against his tenets can easily be brushed aside with stock phrases such as, "you just don't understand the spirit of it.", or a particular favorite, "you're not grokking it." These pseudo-philosophical dodges of any contrary viewpoint are just some of the standard techniques employed by the Guru. They also provide a sugar-coating for hiding the real subversive nature of their underlying message which almost always is something along the lines of, "how can you not obviously see how much we are better than them?" Another annoying technique the Guru uses is the Aunt Tilly metaphor. This is the euphemism used to describe the "unwashed masses" who are not part of the techgeek/wank/dork elite, who do not "grok it."
... ... ...

The Guru uses to create a system between those who are part of the cult, and those worthless imbeciles who for whatever reason STILL don't see the One True Way. Ok, now that The Guru has revealed his new clothes, why don't we move right along with the...

The Moralist (aka The Anti-Microsoft Bigot)
Unlike The Guru, The Moralist doesn't necessarily need to have any (supposedly) advanced technical skills. (which actually makes them more dangerous.) These suckers acquire their zealotry through good ol' fundamentalist ignorance. It's amazing that anything these people say is being listened to on any level. It usually covers the same tired, ceaselessly beaten to death ideas:

First off, if you think Microsoft is the root of all evil... I know, I know...you also hold them responsible for world hunger, the plight of the third world country, the increase in reality TV programming, Janet Jackson's superbowl stunt, and the increase of aids in the porno industry. Maybe Microsoft is involved in a nefarious plot that all 55,000 of it's employees, millions of people who use their products, and a tremendous amount of businesses all over the world are just ignorant of.

Next, as far as Bill Gates is concerned, he has on a personal level AND as part of a corporation done more for computing and humanity than you ever will....

Microsoft makes xxxx software...and guess what, that is your opinion. I have no problems with opinions, but don't confuse your ignorant, misinformed, half-baked opinions with actual facts. That is truly the realm of the close minded (which fits you to a T).

Finally, Microsoft products are insecure...and your point is?? So is every other operating system out there. It doesn't take one iota of intelligence to realize that since Microsoft products are the most deployed in the world, that they are going to hit up against the most scrutiny. However, I've always found it so convenient that when any open source products are found to have security holes, the entire community pretends that nothing is there. I guess you must have some secret clandestine deal with Ziff Davis media and Slashdot to just keep quiet in these circumstances. You can generally spot these guys a mile away because every time they spell Microsoft they replace the 's' with a '$'. yeah, real clever... Like we haven't seen that before, you paragon of originality. Listen, nobody gives a dime that you think that Microsoft "broke the law." actually, nobody gives a dime about what you think, period. get a life! you mean you don't have anything better to do than spread your moral stance on corporations and "big business?" what makes this all worth while is that when I calmly ask, "well...what exactly has Microsoft done to you?" the only thing that comes out of that hypocrisy is, "oh, well ah...hmmm......ah..." exactly. Ok, let's move on, or I'll really start ranting...

The Slashkiddie
These pre-pubescent, acne ridden, illiterate, kids are generally the most harmless of the bunch. I mean, how dangerous can somebody be, if all they do all day is hope that their latest masterpiece of exquisitely written prose called a comment on whatever bullshit pseudowank story gets modded to the fabled "+5 insightful" level. .... They also have a herd mentality with The Guru as the sheepdog providing guidance and telling them just what to do next. You can also tell that your dealing with one of these suckers because of their incredibly gifted spelling skills. spelling words with z instead of s (as in their favorite phrase "mad skillz"), using abbreviations like r instead of are or u instead of you. in addition to having world class spelling skills, they also seem to have a uncanny mastery of the rules of capitalization. however i have noticed a slight dyslexic tendency to confuse the number 3 with the capital letter E. they also like to use these incredible skills to give themselves really cool names like haXXor, aZZmaZt3r, and cod3mast3r.. When push comes to shove, once you take their computer and anonymity away from them, they become nothing more than any other pimply-faced teen...

Aside from these three there is also The Hacker, The Cheap Bastard, and The Crusader (aka The Preacher). Fortunately enough for them, they aren't visible enough to merit their own sections. There is also a little bit of The SourceForge Enthusiast in all of them

By the way, Rory Blythe wrote up a hilarious post after having a run in with his very own Open Source Zealot (it's actually better and funnier than anything i can write as well...definitely check it out!)

I had logged myself into the computer-generated bar room as a little, furry, harmless dog.

I didn't want trouble. I needed to read the Gnome manual, so I came to the bar and asked Ratz at the bar to fix the documentation in liquid form for me. It made a bitter, painful drink, but it was better than spending days turning pages in realspace.

Ratz put a bucket of glasses in front of me. "I wanted a glass of Gnome docs, Ratz. What the hell is this?" I barked.

"Gnome don't fit in a glass anymore," he barked back.

I looked at the liquid. It was totally opaque to me.

When Open Source doesn't open and source doesn't matter

Re: Open Source, posted 22 Jul 2004 by tk » (Journeyer)

A note about yet another meaning of "free":

> Free as in Freedom
>we offer GNU Culture T-shirt!
> http://store.freewares.cn/gnu.shtml

Free as in spam you mean

Dissertation on the uselessness of Linux zealots

spectre is haunting the world -- the spectre of the Linux zealot.

What the Linux zealot is will appear evident to whoever has experienced or came in contact with the discussions which daily rage the Web disguised as news, e-mails, reference material, etc. The Linux zealot, is nothing but an animal wandering unceasingly in virtual and true reality (which moreover he treats in the same way) claiming to be an authority on the Linux operating system, an out-and-out guarantor for everyone's freedom, opposed to any safeguard of intellectual works (for a Linux zealot, the expression "copyright" is tantamount to sin against the Holy Spirit: there is no kind of expiation); in fact, he champions software freedom as a fundamental point for world evolution.

But first and foremost, the Linux zealot is a deeply dangerous being as he claims to be the guardian of truth, and sees with suspicion (when it goes off well) or scorn (for the rest of cases, i.e. most of them) those people who simply think differently from him.

But what's Linux? A Linux zealot will never give an authentic answer to this kind of question. He won't, not because he doesn't want to (even if this is the case), but because this question has been answered already, somewhere else by someone else. Linux is nothing but an operating system. The Linux zealot will claim that it is a different operating system from all others. But this is not the case. Because an OS is an OS, its main function is to manage the resources of a machine we will call "computer" from now on, for comfort of description. By the term "computer" we mean what is commonly meant by this expression, i. e. the system of hardware resources which are fixed to a certain purpose, be it home use, business use, or server management. Linux is an operating system. Like Windows, MS-DOS, OS/2, etc. There is no difference, in this sense, between Linux and other operating systems. Linux manages a computer, no more, no less. So do MS-DOS, Windows and OS/2.

What the Linux zealot self-importantly and arrogantly highlights, is the fact that Linux is a free operating system, i.e., it is made available free of charge to the end user. This of course isn't true at all, but the Linux Zealot believes it. Linux is freely distributable, not free of charge. This means that the kernel and everything included in the operating system's minimal requirements can be freely distributed, not that they must be distributed free of charge. This is the first great misapprehension of the Linux zealots, who find their claim challenged by facts: if the essential parts which make the operating system, and some additional software, are freely distributable, they should explain the reason of the costs -- not prohibitive but certainly notable -- of the most popular Linux distributions, Red Hat and SuSE foremost. And most of all, they should explain the fact that companies like Red Hat are regularly listed on the stock exchange, and Mr. Linux Torvalds enjoys a rather high standard of living. These benefactors of mankind, these software alternatives, these computer non-conformists (so much non-conformist as to be terribly conformist in their non-conformism) naturally justify the distributing companies' profits with excuses like "but there's a printed manual", "but the bundled software is qualitatively and numerically superior compared to the most popular distribution". "but it is easier to install" and other unspeakable nonsense. "On the other hand" they say "if someone wants Linux, they can just as easily download it from the Internet". Sure. Download it from the Internet.

But how long must you stay connected, if you regularly pay an Internet bill, to complete the download of an updated version of a decent distribution of an operating system? So what? Is Linux free? No. Linux is not free, same as nothing downloaded from the Internet is free, unless you have access to an University server or can in whatever way scrounge a connection. If you ask a Linux zealot to burn the material you are interested in, he will do so with great disappointment, and at least he will ask the money for the CD back, or will invite you to make a donation to the GNU project, another sublime decoy produced by the zealots' ingenuity.

Why don't Linux zealots explain what Linux is and how it works? Simply because it is characteristic of the Linux zealot to be self-sufficient, to be content with what he himself (as a single person or as a representative of the collective entity of this operating system's users) makes. In this, the Linux zealot is wholly equivalent to modern religious cults like the Jehovah's Witnesses, or ones of the last century, like the Mormons. The Linux zealot never asks anything outside of what the Linux world makes inside itself: in fact, he gets all the angrier everytime he has to deal with news, questions and inquisitiveness from the outside world. In this case, one cannot say that the Linux zealot be on par with his co-religionists of the Kingdom Hall. In fact, when Jehovah's Witnesses are asked questions by an external person, they are glad, they try to explain, they're inclined to a dialogue, and they bring themselves into question. If they don't have a sure answer on the question of the Trinity, they say: "Sorry, I can't answer you now, but I'll of course think about it, perhaps we'll meet in a few days and I'll give you an answer which is based on something firmer than my personal hypotheses". It's a fair attitude. Saying "I don't know" when someone asks us something is a good start. You stop, you collect informations, you work out, and then you go on. Instead the Linux zealot doesn't do so, he refers you to his literature, and that's it.

Hence, to the question "What's Linux?", which can be replaced by an appropriate number of other questions on the subject, according to the interlocutor's interest, the Linux zealot will always answer referring you to something others wrote for him, showing not only unparalleled pride and haughtyness, but especially a clear inability to reason for himself, seeing his stubbornness to persist putting forward solutions which are found inside documentation or manuals written by someone else. If moreover you approach the Linux world through the gateway of the so-called "external" (e.g. manuals bought in a bookstore, books or publications which aim to explain the Linux operating system and phenomenon to "people"), you will be looked upon with scorn, because for a Linux zealot, anything dealing with Linux which was not produced inside the Linux official channels does not merit consideration. If, for instance, you are looking for a manual and you find one of these books (absolutely useless in most cases, one must admit) which cost at least $ 50, containing step-by-step instructions for Linux installation and usage, possibly with an obsolete CD attached, and decide to pick it up, the true Linux zealot will give you his usual scornful look, and will say you were ripped off, as there are some wonderful tools on the Internet, which are called "Linux Documentation Project" a lunatic who had the wonderful idea to gather up a ponderous work where, of course, you won't find any answer to your questions, and in addition, it's free. Do you have a SuSE distribution and don't know how to install it? Don't be frightened: you won't find a solution in the Linux Documentation Project. Never mind though; the work is ponderous, someone got the brilliant idea of making it available free of charge (and hitherto it's entirely their own business), but it's not necessarily valid. Should you try printing it, what with the paper and the ink cartridge -- not to talk of the printer itself, which may well be a write-off in the end -- you will spend a lot more that the dead tree book and CD you had set yourself to buy.

One cannot see why the Linux zealot has to look up and down anyone who commits the crime of not applying to the usual informative circuit of truth distribution. It's as if the mafia got angry at a drug addict who took detoxification instead of applying to his usual dealer for his daily supply of illegal drugs. In the Linux world, everything which is approved is legal. In this sense, the Linux zealot has no differences whatsoever with the Holy Inquisition or with the Imprimatur Commission of the Holiest Romanest Apostolicest Churchest.

Because what one does verify, is that Linux is a hard-to-use operating system, at least in the install phase. Especially if one wants to make it cohabit, at the start, with another OS with better-known features, waiting until one is more familiar with it, one must know what a partition is, how to create one, how two operating systems can safely coexist, and so on. But the Linux zealot doesn't explain this, he doesn't want to. "There are loads of explanations and publications; if one doesn't know what to do, he should refer to these and he'll find the solution to his question. If he doesn't, it's a sign that he hasn't understood some basic concepts, and he must go a step backwards before carrying on". It's a very peaceful and logic wiewpoint on the surface. On the contrary, it's extremely violent and disrespectful. It's violent because one quietly calls the user an idiot without taking direct liability for what one says. It's disrespectful, because every user is different, and everyone has different requirements from time to time, from machine to machine.

What the Linux zealot never understood and will never understand, is that it's the user who chooses the available resources he needs, out of how he needs them, and out of how he can use them, there are no ready-made solutions which fit everyone. This is why the Linux philosophy is losing and will never gain ground, because it's not respectful, it's angry, it's gloomly and worryingly contentious, it demands others to adapt without being content with adapting to others' requirements. The Linux zealot doesn't proselytize those who are interested in using Linux, even if just to see how it works; the Linux zealot crusades against all other operating systems, especially Microsoft's. If someone doesn't agree with the way Microsoft work, distribute, and sell their software, or with their already unchallenged domination over the market, it's fair that he should create his own alternative channels, but it isn't at all fair that he demand others to comply. If a Windows user asks a Linux user about a malfunction he found in his operating system (Windows, not Linux), at the very least he will be answered that Windows is an OS that doesn't work, that it can't be OK, that Bill Gates sells his products and that these products are paid even if they're included with a computer. Among the Linux zealots there are the mysterious figures of the Microsoft conscientious objectors, i.e. those who buy a computer, demand a bare machine, and ask for the operating system money back, pointing out that they're free to install whatever they want on their computer. With the result that the storekeeper understands he has a PITA in front of him, and sells the computer to someone else who doesn't make such a fuss, or sells the bare thing to him, making however a profit on the sale of the operating system he retains to himself, and will sell underhand to someone else. This is the great illusion: the Linux zealots think they've put a "system" under check, but the system keeps working even without them, or rather better, because from the business point of view, the less headaches the better. The saying of the Linux zealot is not "people have the right to do what they want" (in which case one cannot see why he gets so angry on those who use Microsoft products, as they also are doing what they want!), it is "I do what I want and the world must see and must know". Indeed. But one doesn't see why. One doesn't see why the world ought to know that a Linuz zealot uses Linux, same as one doesn't see why it should know that Linux exists and is free. If someone chooses to buy an OS which costs money, but allows him to do stuff more intuitively, one doesn't see why he could not. It's exactly like people who can't ski, and instead of plunging on the slope and snowploughing, they pay for the lessons of an instructor on the beginners' slope. The idiocy of the Linux philosophy appears particularly in the claim of free circulation of the OS and software in question. It's not by chance that Linux is a very common operating system in anarchoid environments. And when one speaks of anarchoid environments, one means precisely "anarchoid", not "anarchist". These who respect freedom do not force their truth on others' choices.

Windows crashes on you? First of all, you must reformat your hard drive and install Linux. Can't use an operating system without a GUI? Don't be afraid, Linux has an extremely heavy-to-load ugly-as-hell user-friendly interface, which will solve every problem for you, by shamelessly copying Windows. So then, we might just as well keep using Windows, which at least we know, and has a more pleasing look. You know, Linux zealots are especially angry by nature, and they object to this remark that there's no reason whatsoever to use Windows. If they need a word processor or a spreadsheet, there are free ones for Linux, without need for Office: in conclusion, Linux has everything you need to manage anything, so why insist on using something you must pay for when there are other applications which are free? The answer is simple: because it's not their own business. But they don't know this, or rather, so they pretend. Choices are no longer personal: everyone can use what he wants, as long as he uses what they want.

One of the objections which most frequently are made to the Linux zealot is that Linux is a hard to learn OS, that one must be a programmer, or anyway, know a lot about programming, to modify the source codes of freely distributed programs. Linux zealots use to answer, with the snooty self-importance which sets them apart, that Linux is a software made exactly for these in the know. So why on earth do they want Linux to be accessible to the humblest of users? If one can't program, if one can't use Linux, why should he be forced to use it? The answer is very simple again: because otherwise Linux zealots get angry and take it as a personal offence. Same as the fact that there are some people who develop software for whichever OS and sell it making a profit from their work is a personal offence. Again, the solution is only too simple, one doesn't need to bother Dr. Watson to find it: as copying software without permission is a crime in most countries, instead of attacking the law, they attack these who profit from it. These people clearly have never bought a newspaper in their life, when they go to the bookstore, they walk up to the pay desk with provocative and know-all attitude, and start saying: "A book cannot be intellectual property of the author, but of the people who read it".

For them, the intellectual work does not exist as such, but as a collective work. They wanted to make a free OS? Indeed, and they even want us to thank them. We can. Provided that they leave us, at last, in peace. Laughing.

Why binary drivers will be allowed in Linux ;-)

Message 233 in thread

From: Paul Zimmerman (zimmerman.paul@comcast.net)
Subject: Re: Linux GPL and binary module exception clause?

View this article only

Newsgroups: linux.kernel
Date: 2003-12-08 22:30:14 PST

[ Date:  Sometime in the near future. ]

[ Scene:  Exterior of a Federal courthouse in a large city in the US.  Among
the cars parked in the lot are several dozen stretch limos, a Saab 9000
Turbo with a penguin bobble-head doll on the dashboard, and a '67 VW van
covered with "peace" symbols and sporting a bumper sticker that reads "Code
free or die!" ]

[ Scene:  Interior of said courthouse.  Seated at the plaintiff's table are
a gaggle of expensive-looking lawyers in expensive-looking suits.  Seated at
the defendant's table are Linus T, Alan C, Jeff G, Andrew M, David M, Al V,
Richard S, plus a host of other people whose names we might recognize.  And
one very nervous-looking, pimply-faced young lawyer who looks like he might
have graduated from law school sometime last week. ]

[ Lawyer for NVidia: ]  "... And in conclusion, Your Honor, we have
established that for many years our company sold graphics cards to users of
the Windows, Mac, and Linux operating systems, in each case providing a
binary graphics driver to make our card work with that OS. Then, without
warning, the defendants" [ angrily points his finger at the defendant's
table ] "conspired to arrange so that our drivers would no longer work with
the Linux OS. We have already demonstrated that, around the same time, our
company's revenues began to decline, caused in large part, we believe, by
the defendants' actions.  We ask for $1 billion in damages."

[ Judge - banging gavel: ]  "You've convinced me.  I order a summary
judgement for the amount requested, plus $2 billion punitive damages."

[ Cut to:  Bedroom of a comfortable house in the suburbs.  Nighttime. ]

[ Linus - suddenly sits bolt upright in the bed, a horrified expression on
his face: ]  "AAAAiiiiiiieeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!"

[ Wife - shaking Linus' shoulder: ]  "Honey, wake up, wake up!  I think
you're having that horrible nightmare again!"

And that is why binary drivers will always be allowed under Linux.

-p

Google Groups View Thread Linux GPL and binary module exception clause

The first thing I'm going to do after I build my time machine is go visit Finland and say "Use the LGPL, Linus".

Linux Cults (Adaptation for software cults of the original paper from Dribbleglass.com):

I don't know much about you dear reader, but I'm inviting you to join Linux cult. It seems like everybody has one these days, and I don't want to miss out.

A cult has been defined as "a group of people following the teachings of an unshaven white guy with a blank stare or shaven white guy in sandals and red socks and a propensity for saying things that sound profound, but when you examine them later they make you laugh so hard you're likely to double over and wrench your groin."

The benefits of starting your own software cult are pretty obvious:

1) New friends. Through your association with a cult, you will soon meet and bond with new people, many of whom can later became your wives.

2) Prosperity. You will amass great wealth as members of your cult sell their homes, belongings and gold fillings and/or gladly turn other assets over to you. But you should be warned that starting a cult should not be viewed as a get-rich-quick scheme. Overhead can be substantial in a new cult. Expenditures might include such things as:

  • developing a new kernel
  • developing a compiler and lisp-based editor.
  • salaries for public relations consultants hired to put a positive spin on the occasional missteps like drinking binges, consumption of pot, or to deal with the negative publicity generated by those pesky television networks and their irksome investigative reporters.

3) Tax benefits. Many cult leaders even go so far as to write off sacrificed chickens, semiautomatic guns and hand grenades as business expenses. It's all completely legal! Isn't America grand?

4) Great outfits. Black goes with just about anything. Need I say more? If so, how about sandals and red socks; or just red socks without sandals?

Aside from a few small start-up costs, you really don't need much to initiate a cult of your own. There is no test, no license needed, no PhD requirement. You just need a few basics skills and a lot of charisma and you can be well on your way to really feeling a part of something important.

The first thing you need to start your cult is Internet. The more news groups and web sites the better. Web sites are necessary for cults because they provide positive feedback loop for their members. Try to get some Slashdot staff if you can. They may be expensive but they worth your money.

Next, you must pick an evil. The signs should be clear an unambitious. Microsoft is already taken. IBM or Oracle still can be used. In choosing a evil and predicting the future doomsday scenarios, don't worry that your prediction might be wrong. Cults are flexible in this area. Your predictions can come and go as long as you make sure to preface your announcement with some kind of disclaimer that you "heard it directly from a Higher Power." You don't even have to specify which Higher Power. After all, there are no rulebooks for cults. You can do just about anything you want. Try it.

"Henceforth, green shall be known as red. And more complex shall be known as more simple. Those who complain that your beloved software crash should be immediately excommunicated. The Department of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms is always wrong, especially when they try to take away our semiautomatic guns, which were a gift unto us from the Higher Power."

Now you begin to see the appeal of cult ownership.

The next thing you'll need if you want your cult to be a success is a group of dedicated followers. There are plenty of them to go around. What kind of people join cults? Well, contrary to popular belief, cult followers are highly intelligent, honest and hard-working people. They have strong convictions, sensible values and a great deal of integrity. They are also good judges of character, and keenly aware of what is true and what is not.

Trust me. If you believed even a word in the last paragraph, you are a fine candidate to become the newest member of a friendly software cult. You may, in the days to come, wish to look into what you might be able to get for your fillings.

In truth, your typical cult member exhibits all the judgment and intelligence of a dust mite. Most highly enthusiastic members belong to the selected group of people that are capable of locking themselves out of a tent. Cult members are highly impressionable, lost souls looking for guidance and something to believe in. The main competition you will have for followers will be:

    1. militias
    2. other commercial cult organizations—such as Amway and Herbalife

    It is of utmost importance that you choose a name for your cult. When weighing possible names, remember that the name should meet both of the following criteria—first, it should sound as much like the name of a rock band as possible; second, it should look impressive on the cover page of a summons. Here are some suggestions: The Eminent Software Freedom, Free Virtual Humana, Order of the Software Temple, The Free for All Software.

So, what are you waiting for? Money, power, security. All are for the taking. Or, if you prefer, you can just sit back and watch other people start their cults. That has a certain entertainment value, too. Just take care not to wrench your groin.

Slashdot Opposing Open Source

Of course you can't... (Score:5, Funny)
by costas (38724) on Monday October 22, @04:25PM (#2461995)
(http://malamas.com/)
I mean, how can anybody argue with the notion that a Cathedral is somehow inferior to a Bazaar? We all know Bazaars where it's at, that's what people look at these days, and travel to Paris and Rome and places to see and marvel at. Hardly anybody stops by the Notre Damme.

It's also pretty clear that anarchy by design and design by anarchy work well. After all, open source has brought some exceptionally innovative technologies to IT consumers in the past few years. We now can finally parse flat text files with greater speeds and more flexibility than ever before! And we keep bug-compatibility to programs written for 1960s computers that can be outperformed by a wristwatch! Now, that's what I call technology! Object orientation? component programming? that's for wussies who can't code in C, sh, or perl!

Finally, how can traditional software businesses compete with the multi-level marketing scheme of proselytizing users that become testers and developers and finally evangelists? It's obvious that all great engineering and scientific endeavours have been benefited by active recruitment and by popular opinion, not some arrogant dude's idea of what 'right' is.

After all, software is tantamount to *speech*, not machinery. It should be spoken and transmitted freely, not designed and crafted like some piece of steel.

Oh, yeah, there was something else, but I am sure the replies to this will fill you in... something about advocacy or something...

The Bug Count Also Rises by John Browne (Imitation Hemingway Contest Winner)

In the fall of that year the rains fell as usual and washed the leaves of the dust and dripped from the leaves onto the ground. The shuttles drove through the rainy streets and took the people to meetings, then later brought them back, their tires spraying the mist into the air.

Many days he stood for a long time and watched the rain and the shuttles and drank his double-tall mochas. With the mochas he was strong.

Hernando who worked down the hall and who was large with Linux came to him and told him that the ship day was upon them but the bugs were not yet out. The bugs which were always there even when you were in Cafes late at night sipping a Redhook or a double-tall mocha and you thought you were safe but they were there and although Enrico kept the floor swept clean and the mochas were hot the bugs were there and they ate at you.

When Hernando told him this he asked how many bugs. "The RAID is huge with bugs," Hernando said. "The bugs are infinite."

"Why do you ask me? You know I cannot do this thing anymore with the bugs."

"Once you were great with the bugs," Hernando said. "No one was greater," he said again. "Even Prado."

"Prado? What of Prado? Let Prado fix the bugs."

Hernando shrugged. "Prado is finished. He spend too much time with kernel. All he does now is drink herb tea and play with his screensavers."

"Herb tea?"

"It is true, my friend." Hernando shrugged again. Later he went to his office and sat in the dark for a long time. Then he sent e-mail to Michaels.

Michaels came to him while he was sipping a mocha. They sat silently for awhile, then he asked Michaels, "I need you to triage for me."

Michaels looked down. "I don't do that anymore," he said.

"This is different. The bugs are enormous. There are an infinity of Linux bugs."

"I'm finished with that," Michaels said again. "Hell with open source. I just want to live quietly."

"Have you heard Prado is finished? He was badly gored. Now he can only drink herb tea."

"Herb tea?" Michaels said.

"It is true," he said sorrowfully.

Michaels stood up. "Then I will do it, my friend," he said formally. "I will do it for Prado, who was once great with sqaching Linux kernel bugs. I will do it for the time we filled Prado's office with bouncy balls, and for the time Prado worked all nighters for the glory of Linux. I will do it for all the pizza we ate and the bottles of Coke we drank."

Together they walked slowly back, knowing it would be good. As they walked the rain dripped softly from the leaves, and the shuttles carried the bodies back from the meeting

RE GNU Emacs keybindings

The most outrageous act of Stallmanism is trying to usurp the key that God intended for backspace to make it into a help key.

But wait... (Score:5, Funny)
by gillbates (106458) on Wednesday June 02, @05:12PM (#9319250)
(http://www.angelfire.com/il/macroman | Last Journal: Thursday September 18, @01:31PM)
Wasn't this the very thing that open source was supposed to avoid?

You don't like backspace key or the way the copy and paste works? Fine - you've got the source code, so just change the key codes and recompile.... right?

After a few frustrating hours of digging through source code, you finally find the keybindings. You change them, do a make.... and make crashes. So then you debug the make script and realize that you _ALSO_ need the source code to an obscure set of libraries. So you Google it, download the source, and it ALSO won't compile, because you've got the wrong compiler version.

So you figure, what the heck, it's time to upgrade gcc anyway. You download the sources, compile it, only to find that you also need to download the sources for the shared libraries as well. Tomorrow, you'll resume.

Well the weekend is coming up, and you've finally got the compiler and all its dependent sources together, and you start the compile. It actually compiles and installs just fine... And then you try to compile those obscure libraries and the compiler crashes. Turns out there's a kernel bug which means the new version of the compiler won't work with older kernels. You think, well heck, I'll just upgrade my kernel, and you ftp the sources.

So you configure your kernel and then type 'make clean; make dep; make install' and kick off the process; it dies - once again, your compiler segfaults. So now you've got an older kernel with no way to compile the new one...

So next weekend you decide that you're just going back to the old compiler. You rpm -i the compiler, and start the kernel compile process again... but the new kernel won't compile with the older compiler, and the newer compiler won't run on an older kernel....

You take a walk. It's nice to see the sunshine, and feel the breeze for a change.

It's Tuesday and you've figured out that you can apply a few patches to your current compiler source, compile that, and then you'll be able to compile the most recent version of the compiler. So you do that. After you've built your intermediate version, you install it, build your kernel, and then recompile the newest compiler sources. After a reboot, you're able to successfully compile those obscure shared libraries, and rebuild your application.

Then you fire up your modified ctrl-c, ctrl-v enhanced software....

It segfaults. For no apparent reason.

So you Google the newsgroups, and lo and behold, someone else is having the same problem! But they don't know what the problem is.

Next week, your newsgroup buddy has found the problem. It turns out that a change in the way gcc handles memory allocation causes your obscure libraries to crash when compiled with the newer versions. They recommend using an older version of the compiler to build the software.

So you go back to the intermediate version, recompile, and finally, everything works great. For a few days, you've been enjoying the benefits of ctrl-c ctrl-v copy and paste. Life is good.

And then, you notice that KDE starts crashing at random for some unknown reason...

BBspot - Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP By Brian Briggs

Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."

Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP please visit http://www.php.net.

[Feb 20, 2004] GPL religion revisited ;-)

GPL non-GPL compliant? (Score:5, Funny)
by G3ckoG33k (647276) on Wednesday February 18, @04:14PM (#8319784)
What's next? The current GPL, version 2, will not be GPL version 3 compliant?
Re:gpl like religion ? (Score:2, Funny)
by Notre97 (245681) on Wednesday February 18, @05:13PM (#8320456)
(http://slashdot.org/)
Repeat after me:
"There is no license but GPL, and RMS is it's prohet"
gpl like religion ? (Score:4, Funny)
by ehack (115197) on Wednesday February 18, @04:13PM (#8319765)
(Last Journal: Saturday October 26, @07:42PM)
Is the gpl a text that says "if you change a word of this text you shall be excommunciated from the religion of Free Software, Stallman prophet ?"
Re:gpl like religion ? (Score:4, Funny)
by GigsVT (208848) on Wednesday February 18, @04:21PM (#8319908)
(Last Journal: Monday February 02, @11:48AM)
Actually, here are some proposed additions for GPL Version 3:

For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the license of this code, If any man shall add unto these things, RMS shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this license.

And if any man shall take away from the words of the license of this code, RMS shall take away his part out of the license to this code, and out of the open bazaar, and from the things which are written in this license.

What if Stallman bitched about licensing (Score:5, Funny)
by Gothmolly (148874) on Wednesday February 18, @04:27PM (#8319977)
And nobody cared?
Is this the beginning of market forces affecting the open source movement? Practical realities asserting themselves over floating abstractions?

[Feb 16, 2004]Slashdot Microsoft Source Follow-Up

"With the open source community, there are a large percentage of tinkers and 'ankle biters' who are trying their hand at hacking. Some are even communicating with each other. So it only takes one or two of these groups sharing information to be able to pull something off. When you have this type of passion, it's hard to fight because these people are like virtual suicide car bombers."

The CADT Model New Software Development Paradigm by Jamie Zawinski <jwz@jwz.org>

In February 2003, a bunch of the outstanding bugs I'd reported against various GNOME programs over the previous couple of years were all closed as follows:

Because of the release of GNOME 2.0 and 2.2, and the lack of interest in maintainership of GNOME 1.4, the gnome-core product is being closed. If you feel your bug is still of relevance to GNOME 2, please reopen it and refile it against a more appropriate component. Thanks...

This is, I think, the most common way for my bug reports to open source software projects to ever become closed. I report bugs; they go unread for a year, sometimes two; and then (surprise!) that module is rewritten from scratch -- and the new maintainer can't be bothered to check whether his new version has actually solved any of the known problems that existed in the previous version.

I'm so totally impressed at this Way New Development Paradigm. Let's call it the "Cascade of Attention-Deficit Teenagers" model, or "CADT" for short.

Stallman On Free Software and GNU's 20th birthday

curious quote and comparison
by randyest (589159) <ranorano@NOSPaM.hotmail.com> on Monday January 05, @11:21AM (#7881480)
(http://randyrandy.net/)
Stallman says:

The most effective way to strengthen our community for the future is to spread understanding of the value of freedom--to teach more people to recognize the moral unacceptability of non-free software. People who value freedom are, in the long term, its best and essential defense.

The current U.S. administration says (my paraphrasing):

The most effective way to strengthen the world for the future is to spread understanding of the value of freedom--to teach more people to recognize the moral unacceptability of non-free peoples. People who value freedom are, in the long term, its best and essential defense.

  • First line...
    by jdreed1024 (443938) on Monday January 05, @11:21AM (#7881476)
    The first line reads: "It was twenty years ago today that I quit my job at MIT to begin developing a free software operating system, GNU."

    Did anyone else start thinking up new lyrics to Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band when they read that first sentence? Perhaps a new Free Software Song is in the making....

    Re:First line... (Score:2)
    by Thurn und Taxis (411165) on Monday January 05, @02:02PM (#7883020)
    (http://slashdot.org/ | Last Journal: Friday June 14, @11:21PM)
    Okay, I can't resist (my apologies in advance for slant rhymes):

    It was twenty years ago today
    Richard Stallman quit M-I-Tay
    He's been working on the code for Hurd
    And growing one hellacious beard
    So let me introduce to you
    The father of all things GNU
    Richard Stallman's libre-software band!

    Re:First line... (Score:5, Funny)
    by TeknoHog (164938) on Monday January 05, @02:26PM (#7883284)
    (http://www.iki.fi/teknohog/)
    Hmm, I guess this would go better with the 2.4.24 release.

    It was thirteen years ago today
    Col. Torvalds let the source away.
    We've been going in and out of drives
    but we guarantee to raise uptimes.
    So may I introduce to you
    the hack we've known for all these years
    Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band!

    We're Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band,
    we hope you will enjoy the code.
    Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band,
    just hack and let the evening go!

    Col. Torvalds' Linux
    Col. Torvalds' Linux
    Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band!

    It's wonderful to post here,
    it's certainly no troll.
    You're such a lovely userbase,
    we'd like to merge your code with us,
    we'd love to take you
    /home.

    I don't really want to freeze the code,
    but I thought you might like to know
    this release is going to fix the root
    and we want you all to patch for good.

    So let me introduce to you
    the one and only Billy's fear
    Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band!

  • How come all OSS "leaders" are wierd? (Score:1)
    by wsb on Wednesday December 29, @12:17AM (#1437095)
    (User #91803 Info | http://gnulix.org)
    Just look at the facts:

    RMS A beared ubergeek that plays the flute to his Amiga and carries around plastic bags filled with god knows what mind altering herbal substances!

    ESR A gun toting maniac who threatens the lifes of all those that have a contrary opinion. And he writes tons of communistic propaganda, claiming it is in actuality a capitalistic manifesto. Yeah, right, and J Edgar Hoover didn't wear big pink undies...

    Linus Torvalds A big, fat, finnish penguine dude that rulez the kernel development with an iron fist. What ever he doesn't understand (and there is a lot of it) he vetos against for the main kernel tree without any explaination what so ever.

    Miguel de Icaza Instead of putting out a competent desktop he spend all his time spreading FUD about all other efforts. All the while Gnome looks like it is using a pre Macintosh GUI (no matter how you theme it). This guy is about as weak as a tortilla in a washing machine.

    Humorix Bloated Open Source Projects Receive Surprise Grant Money

    Fake News written by Ann Oneemuss on April 22, 2003
    from the enntel-ennside dept.

    SILLYCON VALLEY, CA -- In a major coup for the Linux community, Enntel Corporation has agreed to give $20 million worth of grants over the next three years to various open source projects that rely heavily on CPU power.

    "Right now there's little incentive for people to rush out and buy computers with faster CPUs," explained CEO John Enntel. "But if bloated, CPU-intensive, eye-candy-enhanced projects like Mozilla or GNOME become popular, then our CPU sales will skyrocket. This $20 million is not an act of altruism -- it's an investment."

    John Enntel came up with the idea after talking with his mother one day. "She keeps telling me that her 200 Mhz Enntium I machine works just fine for running Word or playing Solitaire," he explained. "Last month she told me, 'The only thing good about an expensive three gigawhatever machine is that it crashes more quickly!'"

    "I had nightmares every night the following week," Enntel admitted. "What if millions of mothers and grandmothers were thinking the same thing? What if they refused to buy new computers with our state-of-the-art Enntium IV and Qualeron I? Oh the horror!"

    Investing in open source, however, neatly solves the problem. "You try to run Mozilla on a vintage EnntiumSX processor from 1997 and it's going to run about as quickly as molasses on Pluto. Even an Enntel Ennside Pro chip from '99 struggles to run GNOME at a reasonable speed..."

    A spokesperson for the Mozilla project was ecstatic about the news. "For years people told us that Mozilla was too bloated. 'Who needs a fscking chat client in a web browser?' critics would scream. Well, now that bloat is paying off. Our efforts have helped to spur demand for faster hardware, and that in turn is helping the economy. The din of a million keyboards can't be wrong."

    It's not clear how the money will be distributed, although John Enntel points out that he doesn't really want it to be used for optimizing code. "The last thing I want is for GNOME to hire some genius that is able to speed up the whole system by 30% by inserting a single line of code. That would defeat the whole purpose. Instead, I want more bloat, more eye candy, more kitchen sinks, more... everything."

    Eric "The Absurdly Rich" Raymond on Microsoft: I don't really see how they could survive

    I propose a new unit of ego: The ESR. As in case of Farad more practical units would be PicoESR. Anyway, this he is still living in his "absurdly rich" "open source" dreamland:

    At one point, Thill asks Raymond, "Is there a way that Microsoft could coexist with the open source movement?"

    Raymond answers, "It's hard to see how because they're used to a level of pricing and a level of profits that can really only be sustained if you have monopoly lockout. So in that sense I don't really see how they could survive."

    GNOME vs. KDE

    ... ... ...

    Warning to readers: this is mildly offensive, however it's not particularly obscene, for most values of obscene. On a flame-o-riffic scale of one to ten, it rates about a seventy-three.

    When I contemplate how the GNOME and KDE desktops are developed, here is what I imagine:


    KDE

    A big room somewhere in Europe with lots of chrome and glass and a great big whiteboard in the front with lots of tiny, neat writing on it. There are about 50 desks, each with headphones and pristine workstations, also with a lot of chrome and glass. The faint sound of classical music permeates the room, accompanying the clicky-click of 50 programmers typing or quietly talking in one of the appropriately assigned meeting areas. (Which of course consist of elegant contemporary white pine coffee tables surrounded by contemporary white pine and fine leather meeting chairs.) Coffee, tea, mineral water and fruit juices are available in the break area.

    At the end of the day, *everyone* checks in their code and the project leader does a "make" just to make sure it all compiles cleanly, but it's mostly only done from tradition anymore since it always compiles cleanly and works flawlessly. When all milestones have been met, and everything has been QA'd, (usually within a day or two of the roadmap that was written up 18 months previous) a new KDE release is packaged up and released to the mirror sites with the appropriate 24-hour delay for distribution before being announced.

    ... ... ... ...


    GNOME

    An abandoned warehouse in San Francisco, kitted up as for a rave, electronica playing at 15db louder than "my ears are bleeding and I'm developing an aneurism" volumes and the windows all painted over black so that the strobe and spotlights and lasers can be seen better. Computers, mainly made of whatever stuff has been exchanged for crack or scavenged from dumpsters behind dot-bombs, are scattered around on whatever furniture is available, which also consists of whatever stuff has been exchanged for crack or scavenged from dumpsters behind dot-bombs. There's no break area, but you may be able to bum a beer (or more likely something harder) off of one of the developers hanging around, and they will probably be too jacked up on X, coke, acid, heroin, ether or all of the above to notice that you've taken anything.

    ... ... .... ...

    [Oct 22, 2003] Linux Today - DivisionTwo A Linux Distro for Barbie

    "Making a bid for a piece of the emerging desktop Linux market, Mattel, Inc. announced the immediate availability of downloadable beta ISOs for BarbieOS 0.99, and said it hoped the final 1.0 retail version would be on store shelves in time for Christmas. The new OS was created by Mattel to power the upcoming revision of its popular B-Book line of laptops for girls between the ages of four and eleven. The original B-Book laptop, which ran a modified version of PalmOS, was a huge hit with consumers last holiday season, so much so that many stores had trouble keeping them in stock. This year, Mattel is upping the ante by making the B-Book into a full-fledged desktop replacement targeted specifically at toddler through preteen girls who are currently Windows users but may be seeking alternatives, possibly due to increasing licensing fees or out of a desire to break free of vendor lock-in.

    "BarbieOS, based on Debian Linux, had been in private beta for more than six months prior to yesterday's public release. Initial reaction to the company's announcement has been mixed, as some analysts have claimed that the desktop Linuxmarket is already over-saturated given its current size, as other major players such as Lycoris Desktop/LX, Xandros Linux, and LindowsOS are already competing for the rather small percentage of home desktop users willing to try a non-Microsoft OS. Still, Mattel says it is confident of the potential of BarbieOS 1.0 to find a niche market of young girls under thirteen who are dissatisfied with current Microsoft offerings and are looking toward maybe asking mom and dad for a full-powered Linux laptop running BarbieOS this Christmas..."

    [Sept 1, 2003] NewsForge The Online Newspaper of Record for Linux and Open Source In a surprise announcement this morning, Linux creator Linus Torvalds says he will enter the race to be the governor of California.

    In a surprise announcement this morning, Linux creator Linus Torvalds says he will enter the race to be the governor of California.

    Linus' announcement came in the form of a message to the Linux Kernel Mailing List (lkml). Linus says he believes none of the California leadership race's 135 existing candidates can bring real change and improvement to the economy in the state, but that he does have a solution.

    "There is a good state here, and it can use some improvement," Linus wrote in his announcement, "but I'd like to try creating my own. This race is a great opportunity to try."

    As part of his governing strategy, Linus promised to open the government to contributions from anyone who wishes to contribute, and he will accept or reject those contributions by the people based on their merit and applicability to the situation at hand. "In this way," he wrote, "every citizen of California will have an accessible government. We will work together to develop and maintain a government capable of keeping up with the times which is always willing to try new things."

    Governor Gray Davis, upon hearing the news late this morning, was overheard by a reporter telling an associate that Linus had no hope of winning the recall election because proprietary governments were much better than open governments. "No government that listened to changes proposed by an average citizen has ever succeeded," Mr. Davis said. "Ideas have to be developed in-house and sold to the public when they are complete. Public discussion of public policy is merely an illusion. The government passes laws and the people abide by them, whether or not they like them."

    Linus knows that people can't win elections without substantial financial backing, he assured his supporters in the Linux community. Prior to his announcement he had already secured more than $3 million toward his campaign from various Linux and Open Source companies, which he has been in touch with over the last few weeks.

    One of the hurdles facing Linus' campaign is that the nomination period for candidates has ended. Linus hopes to get around this problem by encouraging fans of freedom and openness looking for a new way of governing to write in his name on the ballot. "California election law allows write-in ballots," he said. "Use them for all they are worth."

    With the tens of thousands of Linux developers and the millions of users of Linux around the world likely willing to help his campaign, Linus says he believes he can win the election. "California will be an open society and a wonderful place to live on my watch."

    Slashdot Linus Moves To OSDL, Will Work On Kernel Full-Time

    great
    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 17, @07:50AM (#6221234)
    linux working full time on the kernel? Well everyone, expect more crashes in linux.
    Re:Yes, but...
    by rampant mac (561036) on Tuesday June 17, @08:18AM (#6221361)
    (http://www.apple.com/)
    "Maybe we should get him a part time job"

    McDonald's is always hiring.

    Slashdot effect
    by stephanruby (542433) on Tuesday June 17, @08:02AM (#6221282)
    Now, let's not all sell our Transmeta stock at the same time...
    Changing jobs...
    by TheShadow (76709) on Tuesday June 17, @08:42AM (#6221479)
    While we are posting stories about people changing jobs...

    Just last week I started a new job after a long and tedious four and a half year tenure at my former job. In this new job I'll finally get to work on things other than fighting fires. I'm very excited. Just thought everyone would like to know.

    Let's see what happens in a year
    by Call Me Black Cloud (616282) on Tuesday June 17, @09:44AM (#6221978)
    Transmeta has always been very good at letting me spend even an inordinate amount of time on Linux, but as a result I've been feeling a little guilty at just how little "real work" I got done lately.

    Just a little guilty? Boy, what a crappy employee. Really. It's one thing to work on projects in your spare time but to leech off your employer to do so is not right. I'm sure this will encourage other employers to support their employees' work on open source projects. I guess Transmeta didn't want the bad press associated with firing Torvalds...let's see if he goes back in a year. Will Transmeta even notice he's gone (except for part where they save money on his salary)?

    Wired article
    by OS390 (626227) on Tuesday June 17, @09:55AM (#6222072)
    I was reading wired and they were talking about how after people leave their jobs after being interviewed in Wired. Barry Diller left Vivendi right after he was interviewed, and some other that I can remember because I left the issue at home. This was in the letters to the editor section for anyone that has a copy. One of the editors guessed that since Linus was getting interviewed in this months article, he was going to leave. He said something to the point of " anyone looking for a decent Unix programmer" in reference to Linus. Somebody should have the damn article.

    [Dec 26, 2002] Slashdot XPde Cloning the XP Interface

    Sue me, sue me, please.
    by codexus (538087) on Wednesday December 25, @09:36AM (#4956693)
    > XPde Cloning the XP Interface

    I'm bored and I'd like to get sued by Microsoft cause that way I'll be famous and all.

    Everybody quit the crying… - by codepunk
    If the guys want to build a XP interface for teir linux systems then by all means have at it. Most of you idiots don’t even write code and have no place to be crying about it anyhow. If the itch exists then by all means scratch it. Open Source programmers do what we want so just get over it.

    Humorix/Open Source Developers Threaten To Strike

    "We've had a enough of this crap," said one of the 511 coders that have banded together to form the Union of Professional Software Developers Producing Amateur Half-Finished Open Source Programs. "Unless we get some satisfaction, I hope to take a nice long vacation away from my terminal -- well, at least for a few days until my Quake addiction strikes back."

    Earlier today, several protestors protested in front of the Free Software Foundation in Boston, holding signs and chanting, "Hell no we won't code/Mr. Stallman, hit the road!" and "What's the matter with GNU? Everything!"

    Of course, the group -- composed entirely of programmers without a single public relations flack -- had difficulty getting their message out. It wasn't until this reporter did some actual legwork (instead of merely regurgitating press releases) that it finally became clear what the hackers were threatening to strike over.

    They want Richard M. Stallman to stop insisting that everybody call everybody's favorite operating system by the name "GNU/Linux".

    "Here we are, slaving over hot computer terminals for hours on end, and what happens when we go to a Linux User Group meeting?" asked 'BurritoGuy', the head of the union. "RMS comes in and starts roasting us for saying Linux instead of GNU/Linux. I'm sick and tired of this insanity and I'm not going to take it any more!"

    RMS has refused to budge from his position. The two camps have not attempted negotiations, which makes the chance of averting a strike.

    One union member has drafted a compromise proposal in which Open Source developers would agree to use the name "GNU/Linux" once for every five uses of plain "Linux". "This acknowledges the contributions of the GNU Project without making us say a mouthful all the time," the member said.

    ESR yet another Halloween document. -- Eric seems to have a maniacal preoccupation with the "Leaked Microsoft Strategy Documents" for years now. Funny how even losing 99% of your paper wealth cannot make ESR more humble ;-)

    Is this some sort of a MS tradition? (Score:5, Funny)
    by levik on Wednesday November 06, @12:36PM (#4609131)
    (User #52444 Info | http://www.levik.com/)
    I really think this is what MS staffers do for fun at the Halloween party! They probably draw straws, and the one to draw the shortest one has to write up the "leaked strategy memo on Linux" for the year!


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    RMS -vs- Doctor, on the evils of Natalism

    Date: Sun, 21 Feb 93 15:14:50 -0500
    From: rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Richard Stallman)
    To: mcuddy@ctbu.rational.com
    Cc: kabuki-west@mica.berkeley.edu
    Subject: Another mcuddy..

    Could people please not use this list to announce information of no particular interest to the people on the list? Hundreds of thousands of babies are born every day. While the whole phenomenon is menacing, one of them by itself is not newsworthy. Nor is it a difficult achievement--even some fish can do it. (Now, if you were a seahorse, it would be more interesting, since it would be the male that gave birth.)

    Following your example, I might send the list an announcement whenever a new GNU program is written. That happens less often than babies are born, it does the world a lot more good, it reflects more conscious creativity and hard work, and some of the readers might actually find the information useful. Even so, I think most of the readers would consider this outside the scope and purpose of the list. Clearly that goes double for babies.

    Of course, we have another place for announcements of new GNU programs. If some people like to read birth announcements, perhaps you should set up a suitable list or newsgroup. Perhaps rec.births? (While you're at it, start rec.deaths for obituaries--they're usually more interesting to read.)

    These birth announcements also spread the myth that having a baby is something to be proud of, which fuels natalist pressure, which leads to pollution, extinction of wildlife, poverty, and ultimately mass starvation.

    Perhaps the people who have decided to have no children should start making proud announcements, so as to set a better example. I could start. I'm sure everyone on this list will be glad to know I don't plan to reproduce myself.

    Free software is...

    1. The freedom to associate Linux with (anarcho-)socialism.
    2. The freedom to claim that "free software" is clearer than "open source".
    3. The freedom of RMS, and no one else, to change his interpretation of freedoms as he sees fit.
    4. The freedom to ask people to abandon proprietary software in favour of inane, broken clones of the same.

    Open source is...

    1. The freedom to associate Linux with anarcho-capitalism.
    2. The freedom to claim that "open source" is clearer than "free software".
    3. The freedom of ESR, and no one else, to claim to speak for "our tribe".
    4. The freedom to lambast RMS for talking about abstract ideals, then turn around and extol the imaginary virtues of anti-gun control.

    Kabuki-West Replies:

    In summary:

    The GPL is not Compatible with itself  Posted by Shlomi Fish on Monday April 01, @07:29AM from the love-them-or-hate-them dept.

    A recent press conference of the Free Software Foundation confirmed the rumours that the GNU General Public License was found to be incompatible with itself. This newly discovered fact may actually cause a lot of disorder in the free software world in which most programs and libraries are licensed under this license.

    Richard Stallman, chairman of the FSF, called upon developers to immediately exempt GPL-licensed software from the GPL, as far as linking them with GPL programs is concerned. "We have already made sure all GNU software and every other software that is licensed to the Free Software Foundation would be ad-hoc compatible with itself. However we need other developers to do the same for their software", Stallman said.

    Eben Moglen, the FSF's attorney outlined the subsequent steps that his organization will take to overcome this crisis. The first step would be releasing a Modified General Public License (or MGPL for short) that will be compatible with the GPL and with itself as well as with all other licenses that the GPL is already compatible with. It will be labeled the GPL version 2.1, thus allowing developers to convert their software to it. He noted that care would be taken to make sure the upcoming GPL version 3.0 will be compatible with itself, as well as the MGPL.

    For the time being, though, there is an explosion of commentary, confusion and otherwise bad temper about the newly formed situation. Eric S. Raymond, the famous Open Source Guru notes: "This is one of the greatest blows to the Open Source world, I have yet encountered. I have already exempted all of my own software from the GPL in this regard, but there is a lot of other software out there, and many of its authors are not very communicative.

    Bill Gates, Microsoft's co-founder, on the other hand, seems to find the situation very amusing: "I said times and again, that viral licenses such as the GPL are a bad idea, and many open-source advocates disagreed. Now they see that even making sure one's license is compatible with itself, is hard to do when you open that can of worms."

    The integrity of many software projects whose license is the GPL and yet contain works licensed by several developers is in jeopardy. The Linux kernel is a prominent example of such a case. In a post to its mailing list, Linus Torvalds commented that, in their case, it was not an issue. "My interpretation of the GPL is already quite unusual, so I'll simply rule that I also interpret the GPL as compatible with itself."

    [Apr 1, 2002] Linux needs new leadership.

    Linus Torvalds (torvalds@transmeta.com)
    Mon, 01 Apr 2002 00:00:00 -0700 (PDT)


    Fellow hackers,

    For some time I have felt unappreciated by some members of the Linux community. Far too many of you like to whine and cry, saying "My patches aren't being accepted by Linus, but they are by Alan or Michael!" It seems that some of you are too stupid to follow the simple instructions that I have made clear on more than one occasion. This, combined with the fact that today is my last day at Transmeta, has prompted me to consider rediscovering that balance I had in my life before you all took my hobby and made it into a mass movement. I have not decided who should take over maintenance of the kernel myself, for I believe that this decision should be made in a quasi-democratic fashion. While democracy has not worked well with this group of people before, I am willing to give it one last chance. 

    However, I do have some opinions on who should succeed me as leader of kernel development. I will provide my opinions below as I am entitled to do so. Below is an alphabetical list of my nominations. I include a brief explanation of why I nominated them and any concerns I may have. You all should do the same for your nominations. 

    • Alan Cox: Alan has done a spectacular job of maintaining the 2.2 branch ever since I embarked on the development branch. He would have been an automatic choice for this job, except for his childish refusal to travel to the US, where all the real kernel hackers hang out. Marcello has proven to me, however, that you do not need to live in a technology-rich country such as the US to be a leader of kernel development. 
    • Matt Dillon: Whenever someone moans about the 2.4 VM fiasco, I think to myself, "I wish Matt hadn't left the Linux kernel development for FreeBSD!" I believe that if Matt were to be chosen as leader, we would have had a sane and working VM on par with FreeBSD's months ago. While he has little leadership experience, he is a member of FreeBSD-core, a position which certainly demands respect. 
    • Eric S. Raymond: Being leader of kernel development involves fielding a significant amount of media attention. ESR has shown on many occasions that he can talk shit and still sound just as convincing as anyone on this list, all the time being completely oblivious to any contrasting viewpoints. While his kernel-configuration-adventure-game contribution to Linux just screams out "worthless bloat", I must admit to having enjoyed many a lonely night playing the game. If he could lay a similar interface over gdb, I'm sure that more kernel hackers would actually debug their work before submitting it.
    • Richard M. Stallman: RMS has an exceptional track record in the open-source field, being largely responsible for my favorite text editor, compiler, and debugger. No other open-source hacker has come as close as he has to replicating the integration available with Microsoft Visual C++ 6 years ago. I fully endorse him as a candidate, assuming he's willing to drop his puerile "GNU/Linux" ego stroking. 
    • Theo de Raadt: Theo is an exceptional candidate. Not only is he a more than adequate hacker; he attracts exactly the type of people to OpenBSD that he wants, and will jettison those who are not up to the task. While purging out all the less-than-adequate hackers in the Linux project will inevitably attract negative publicity from Slashdot and other "community" sites where these feeble hackers hang out, it will no doubt strengthen Linux in the future. Just look at what Theo's strong leadership has done for OpenBSD! He turned around the worthless "research project" that was NetBSD and made it an enterprise-class firewall system. I can only imagine the effect his Midas touch could have on the Linux kernel. 

    You have until the end of April 1, 23:59 Pacific Time to submit your nominations to the list. The most nominated person will become the leader of kernel development. I will examine the list of nominations and, assuming that the winner wants the job, I will hand full control over to them. I know that this is short notice, but knowing how obsessively most of you check your inboxes, I figure you should have more than adequate time to submit your recommendations. The decision will be final and no discussion will be considered after it has been made, so choose carefully.

    Thank you.

    Linus 

    FSF Reaches Goal, Shuts Down (modified for April 1 2002 issue from the letter send to the Editor; the original author is not known):

    April 1, 2002 Boston, Massachusetts. After 18 years of striving, FSF finally reached its long-stated goal to create free computer environment and Monday April 1, 2002 promptly ceased operations. "We achieved all our goals," founder Richard Stallman (RMS) said. "Back when I started GNU project and FSF, I vowed that I would not rest until we create a completely free Unix-like programming environment. Well, today such an environment is here. Thank you for your support of the GNU project. Bye."

    When he launched the GNU project and FSF in 1983, RMS drew up a lengthy list of long-term goals. These included writing free C compiler, Free Unix-like operating system and free Emacs editor. "There were a lot of goals I wanted to accomplish, but those three were probably the biggest," said RMS, clearing out his office at MIT and packing things to be moved into his new expensive house in Florida. "Done, done, and done." Now I can play golf, drink beer and enjoy the company of beautiful women. 

    Eric Raymond a famous open source evangelist said that RMS made the right decision to shut down FSF after getting 800 million price from Japanese Midory foundation;  The fact that Linus Torvalds resolved his long-standing problem with Linux scheduler also played a role in this decision. "I was at it the same conference room with Linus, discussing the future of the Linux kernel development, when we were informed about this RMS's decision" Eric Raymond said. "You should have seen the smile on Linus face."

    The Linux Forecaster, February 16, 2000

    Another day, another portal opens.  Today's latest get-rich-quick portal is called "LinuxForecast.com". Operated by a former meterologist, this site uses complex models to predict trends in the Linux world.  "We can predict short-term weather events pretty well," he said, "So why can't we forecast the next Linux vs. FreeBSD flame war on Usenet or predict the duration and intensity of the dreaded Slashdot Effect?"

    As the founder of LinuxForecast.com, Eric "Stormy" Jones is living out the American Geek dream: he just built his very own Beowulf cluster.  "After getting 'The Letter' from Red Hat and VA Linux, I made enough money to buy my own Beowulf cluster," he boasted.  "My old co-workers at the National Weather Service are so jealous; my cluster rivals those new supercomputers they just installed. They'll have trouble keeping up with this Jones."

    Eric's cluster certainly is impressive.  It accurately forecasted a coupe of Slashdot Effect cases 24 hours in advance, allowing Eric to send this warning email to the victim before the storm hit:

    NOTICE: LinuxForecast.com has issued a Slashdot Effect Watch for your domain effective for the next 48 hours. Forecast models indicate that Taco Boy is planning on posting an article about your "Penguin Porn" site. The models disagree on the timing or duration of the storm, although we can say that a moderate risk of server crashes, excess bandwidth usage, and increased website hosting bills are possible.

    Please take appropriate action by mirroring your site. It might be too late now, but you might also want to consider purchasing Denial Of Service insurance.

    Eric Jones hopes to expand his portal website so that Slashdot Effect advisories are automatically issued.  "It's a public service," he explained.

    ... ... ...

    Jones also made some dire predictions for Linux portals. "There's just too many of them.  The daily amount of new open source code written will drop by 22% next month as people stop hacking and start working on Linux websites, hoping to get-rich-quick by selling out to Andover and VA Linux.  In years past start-up companies dreamed of being acquired by Microsoft; now everybody wants to be acquired by VA Linux or Red Hat."

    "The bubble will burst," he continued, before I could get a word in edgewise reminding him that his own site is a get-rich-quick sellout-bound portal site.  "Take, for example, the new LinuxBeacon.com portal. The site runs Microsoft IIS 5.0 and Windows 2000! 

    **** THE MARTYRDOM OF SAINT IGNUCIUS  [May 22, 2001]

    Here's the Authorised Version of the Free Software story. In the Sixties, software was created free, out in the high temples of Western technological academia: MIT, Stanford, enlightened corners of Bell Labs. The Internet was created here, they say, as were the purer artifacts of the programming art: LISP, and C, and UNIX. The future was dedicated to the dissemination of uncorruptable knowledge, passed on and improved through the frictionless channels of the fledgling Net.

    But then (thunderclap on soundtrack, please) the software hoarding begins. Graduates sell out to companies, who retail their code without sharing the knowledge behind it. Software that, when bought, could not be changed, or fixed, or improved. Frozen forever - imprisoned by the greed of its owner, who did not want his secrets revealed, or his product redistributed to the needy.

    Horrified, but isolated, Richard M. Stallman, at MIT's AI Lab, makes a stand. In 1984, he dedicates his life to preserving the ideals of Free Software: he forms the Free Software Foundation, and begins building the tools that will allow, one day, a computer to be used without having to purchase any hoarded, proprietary software at all. Free Software - but not just free as in for nothing, but free as in free to be distributed, modified, improved; fixed by anyone who has a different plan from the blinkered view of the binary-pushing corporations.

    Stallman is viewed as a saint by many in the Free Software movement. And, if you ask him, he'll dress like one. He has a costume. He is called St. Ignucius.

    This fact has not passed unnoticed by profile writers.

    [May 22, 2001]  THE MESSIAH

    In 1991, Linus Torvalds, a Swedish-speaking Finn at Helsinki University, mentions a project he's working on to comp.os.minix. As an aside, at the bottom of the message is a request to test another program of his, a hack of the Unix "finger" program that most half-decent Unix programmers could rustle up in their sleep. The first project is a plan to write his own, UNIX-like operating system. The disparity between this minor achievement and his aims couldn't be more stark.

    Years later, industry pundits will hail this as a seminal moment in the history of computing. Thomas Scoville, writing in Salon Magazine, will describe in terms of Luther hammering his demands onto the doors of Castle Church, and smashing the Papacy of Bill Gates (Scoville also designed the Silicon Valley Tarot pack, which includes cards like The Hacker, the Salesman of Networks, and the Four of Cubicles).

    But if the religion has a leader, where are the followers to come from?

    On USENET, in comp.os.linux.advocacy, Stephen Edwards writes (http://www.dejanews.com/=dnt_lk/getdoc.xp?AN=410219167)

    > Oh, how fugging pathetic. Next thing you know, people will be wearing

     > "L"s on gold chains around their necks, and praising Linus Torvald's

    > sacrifices and teachings.

    Linus replies:

    What the h*ll? They don't already?

    Grumble.

    Linus

    [May 28, 2001] From the letter from female Linux enthusiast: "I love Linus and he's doing a good enough job IMO. Sure he rejects a few too many patches -- but he's just one (sexy) guy. It's not his fault."

    [May 23, 2001] Notes on improving Linux kernel usability (adapted from slashdot post (#437) ;-)

    **** Amazon.co.uk[Apr 25, 2001]  has refused to pull reviews of Red Hat Linux 7.0 Deluxe edition by Bill Gates and Linus Torvalds off its site because they are not offensive.The Register

    Reviewer: Linus Torvalds from Finland
    Despite fifteen years using Linux (most of those with Red Hat) I would recommend people to actually go out and use Windows. You see the actual Linux OS is not too good, the kernel (core functions) is really bad and the GUI elements feel like they've been stuck on with glue. Red Hat is really the worst of the distros and after ten minutes of using it, you'll be reaching for the Windows CD!

    [Apr 22, 2001] BBspot - Real or Fake  Linux Distributions

         ... ... ... ... ...

    ****  BBspot - Linux Bashing Now Considered a Hate Crime  Linuxoids as " openly using Linux people"  a new kind of  harmless perverts that need to be protected by the statute ? [Apr 22, 2001]

    It is commonly believed that 10% of the population are Linux users.  Linux users often hide their use from friends and family members.  Meeting other users in Linux only bars or IRC channels.  Openly Linux using people often face extreme prejudice and discrimination from co-workers and IT departments but say that this bigotry must be confronted.  "I’ve never been beaten because of my open sourceness, but I get a lot of ‘Linux sucks’ comments," said Jared Yttrium, "I’m glad the statute is there to protect me."

    [Apr 1, 2001] Linux Today - MySmell.com Linus laid off!

    "With so much news of layoffs in recent weeks, it probably shouldn't come as any surprise that chipmaker Transmeta is also feeling the bite. But the real shocker for HumorLinux fans is that kernel master Linus Torvalds is among those who will be let go on Monday...."

    "Like Eazel and Zero Knowledge -- other open source companies who recently laid off staff after having just announced apparently good news -- Transmeta was in the headlines recently for having been chosen to supply chips for Microsoft Tablet PCs. This has led some in the Linux community to question if there is any connection between the Microsoft contract and the layoffs. Was laying off Open Source's favorite son a condition of the Microsoft contract?"

    "Most emphatically not, according to Transmeta Communications Manager Phillip Bergman. 'It was actually the logo for Midori Linux which we found really inexcusable,' he said. 'We thought that since he is from Europe, he'd have better taste than to choose something like that.'"

    "Bergman added, 'Plus, he's just not as funny as he used to be.'"

    ***** Microsoft adopts Linux as a new BIOS. Linus Torvalds joins Microsoft [Apr 1, 2001]

    April 1, 2001. LINUS TORVALDS, the creator of upstart operating system Linux, will head a new division within Microsoft to develop a version of Linux to replace old PC BIOS. Information contained in a Microsoft memo leaked to the British publication Yellow Register  indicated that Windows XP is the last old-fashioned version of Microsoft OS and that the next version of Microsoft Windows will be able to fully utilize the  new BIOS.

    Microsoft also plans to reorganize the hardware group into several divisions with one being headed by Linux and the other concentrating on the providing help all major PC manufacturer to switch to new technology,  possibly by the end of the year.

    Torvalds, who has been working for Transmeta -- the company that has close ties with Microsoft with Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen as a major stockholder , will join newly created Linux BIOS group. He also has reportedly also been paid $US100 million in stock and cash for the rights to use the Linux trademark. Microsoft  officials would not comment on Torvalds' salary and duties.

    A Microsoft source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the company decided that Linux kernel will be perfect replacement for the old PC BIOS. He said Microsoft President Steve Ballmer had stresses  that such an approach represent the philosophy  ``if you can't beat `em, join `em approach'', similar to the one ``we used when we embraced the Internet''. There are many overlapping functions that are performed by both NT and Linux and moving some of them to the BIOS level makes perfect sense. PCs just outgrow old IBM BIOS and really need a new one. He stresses that Linux kernel already supports FAT32 filesystem perfectly well and that Microsoft is working on improving support for its flagship NTFS filesystem.

    Torvalds was tight-lipped when contacted, but said Microsoft had ``he always respected Microsoft technical achievements in applications area and that they made him an offer he can't refuse''.

    ``Anyway, it's time to make some dough from this open source thing. With Linux companies stocks in the trash bin I cannot buy a Ferrari for myself and new BMW for my wife. And I have three growing daughters that soon will need decent cars too. Currently I cannot even think about personal yacht.  Where's the justice in that?'' Torvalds said. ``Microsoft isn't all that bad and it really cares about its employees. And  the  new BIOS will be definitely better than they have before. And it remains open sourced''

    Open source advocates contacted by Yellow Register expressed shock at Torvalds sudden change of heart. ``I can't believe it. I'm really shocked,'' a Melbourne Linux developer said. ``Don't do it, Linus,'' another urged. ``First it was (Open Source evangelist) Eric Raymond and now Linus. Who next, (Free Software Foundation founder) Richard Stallman?'' ``I knew it as soon as I heard he (Torvalds) had gone to work for (Paul Allen's company) Transmeta,'' a poster to alt.microsoft.sucks said. ``They couldn't develop it, so they're going to buy it, just like they did with DOS.''

    International Data Corporation Advanced Technology Markets program director, Travesty  Lowlife, said it was a  classic example of a smart business decision that turns the tables for IBM and Sun.  ``Both IBM and Sun wanted to play Linux card against Microsoft, but Microsoft again proved that they are just smarter than the competition '' he said. Other observers stressed that  the timing is perfect that kernel 2.4 is mature enough to replace old BIOS. That also might help to bury  the US Government case against the company.  ``By embracing Linux as a new BIOS, Gates effectively short circuits the (Department of Justice) case against Microsoft, rendering it obsolete. ``This strategic move will serve Microsoft well in the new Millennium. Now I am pretty confident that Microsoft will remain the dominant player in PC operating systems area for many years to come."

    [10/07/2000] THE LICENSE AGREEMENT (Red Hat business model)

    The other day I was sitting in a bar when the guy next to me asked for a light. I thought to myself, Hey, there is a market here. I just need to figure out how to exploit it. So I said to the guy, "I can't give you a light without some compensation for my time and effort, not to mention my flint, my steel and my lighter fluid. So, I will, for $0.25, licence to you the right to burn one of your cigarettes."

    The guy was a little drunk and probably thought that I was too, so he gave me a quarter and I lit his cigarette. As I was pocketing the quarter, to my horror and dismay, this guy's buddy took the cigarette I had just lit and used it to light his own cigarette, in clear violation of the licence agreement! This person had stolen my fire!

    AND, before I could point out the violation to this thief, he passed the lit cigarette on to other patrons of the bar. Soon everyone in the bar was benefiting from my fire. I had no recourse but to try to enforce the contract, but as I was going from patron to patron trying to explain that they had stolen from me and that they owed me 25 cents each, the bouncer threw me out of the bar and suggested that I insert my lighter in a place that I consider anatomically difficult if not impossible. I guess that there will always be thieves.

    At least you and I have the pleasure of ranting about them.

    Frank Ross

    Ode to GPL  by Kurt Gavor - [sing along] ( Sep 7, 2000)

    The License Police, as dogmatic as they can get...
    The License Police, they'll come and judge your code
    Oh nooooooo......

    Well I can't write code 'cause they're lookin' at me...
    And when I fall asleep bet they're griping 'bout me...
    (tonight...TONIGHT!)

    'Cause they're yelling at me, unbundling me...
    ...GEE..PEE..ELLL!
    They're driiivin' me insane.....
    ...Those men at Deb-i-annnn....

    (with apologies to Cheap Trick)

    Linux should be set free (Humor)
    by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 18, @09:40AM EDT (#18)

    We must let Linux permutate by itself without anybody in control of it. There should be no Monster Dictator on top that demands what should go in and what should not. We do not want another Stalin amongst our comrades. We peasants should take control, not let any power hungry man on top tell us how kernel lock synchronization should be implemented.

    With this way, all variations would grow, with the lackluster ones dying off. There is no other way to evolve in our commune. We have to follow the example of the human species in the world, in which we come to dominate the mammal universe not because of our brute strength, but because of our superior intelligence. If we blow each other up, that is the way it is, since the survivors would be go on to build a better race(whatever that would be.)

    So all comrades, rise to arm and pick out your mouse. We must topple anyone with power within our group as they are the perpetrators to our progress toward Utopia. Suppression of our freedom to do it anyway we want to shall not be a rule of the game anymore.


    ! Central control is the true way of evolving.
    ZZZ

    [Aug 23, 2000] Byte.com: The Great Penguin Hoax  Letter from Alan Cox

    All in all, Linux is a waste of time, and its devotees can't see the forest for the trees. Any advantages Linux may have as an operating system is more than canceled out by the lack of uniformity, lack of documentation, and lack of hardware support. Unless one is willing to invest a great deal of time and money in Linux, don't bother. Win 9x, Win NT, and Win 2K may be bloatware and may be overpriced, but just like back in 1976 when I bought MS-Basic on papertape, it works and the documentation is accurate and clear.

    Now I'm going fishing.

    Hired Magazine interviews Good Software Group founder  -- RMS under the fire ;-)

    The following is an interview by Hired Magazine, the monthly magazine devoted to commerce and trade, with Gilbert Oram Dawson, the founder of the Good Software Group.

    Hired: Gilbert, it's been fifteen years since you single-handedly created the Good Software movement and its spokesman and umbrella organization, the Good Software Group. How does it feel to be sitting in the catbird seat, now that Good Software is all the rage?
    Dawson: It's a great feeling to see just about everyone either using or else wanting to use Good Software. It proves that I am the visionary I always told you I was. But I'll tell you this: it hurts me that most people don't realize that without the Good Software Group, they probably wouldn't even have any Good Software. In fact, most people who use Good Software have barely even heard of the GSG. It really wounds me to be so under-appreciated, even after all the Good Software that I've personally created for the world.

            ... ... ... ... ... 

    Hired: Do you feel that the Good Software Group is neglected when the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal mentions E-commerce but doesn't talk about how important Good Software and the GSG in particular have been to it?
    Dawson: I don't care for the word `E-commerce', and you've put your finger on exactly why. It disrespects how important we are. Don't you realize that without Good Software, the E-conomy would be nowhere? It's the very foundation of the entire system! Oh, there isn't always a lot of our stuff there, but we were the guiding light behind it all. That's why I insist upon the term `Good/E-commerce' instead. However, if you really find that difficult, I shall permit you to use the term `E/Good-Commerce' in my presence as a tolerable but not a preferable alternative. The reason I don't care for it as much is that you've placed the Good part too far back, even though I really started it all. At least you give the GSG some credit that way, though.
    Hired: I'm sorry - I'll try to more careful from now on. I'd like to thank you for this interview. I'm sure that this will clarify for our readers your role in the goodware movement--
    Dawson: Stop right there! I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the so-called `goodware' movement. I am the founding father of `Good Software' movement, which is completely different. `Goodware' is the despicable term used by a sham libertarian outfit who's trying to reach out to the not-for-profit community. When they say `goodware', they just mean software that's not bad. Can you believe it? Do you realize that they actually support letting people take what was originally Good Software and convert it into something that will never be used for one single good or service? That no longer will money change hands? Why, if everyone did that, our whole country would fall apart! That's not Good Software, and I shall have nothing to do with them. Fortunately, the GPL prohibits them from doing that with GPL'd software, which is why I strongly advocate slapping the GPL on every bit of software you can. It's the only way to keep those gun-toting libertarians off our backs and to keep our nation's E-conomy strong! By using the GPL to make Permanently Good Software!

    32BitsOnline.com - An exclusive interview with Linus 'Linux' Torvalds and Alan 'Kernel Hacker' Cox [Feature Articles-Interview]

    (C) Clifford: So. What kinds of userland changes you referred to a minute ago in the car, uh - what kinds of enhancements have you made for the upcoming release?

    (LT) Linus Torvalds: Well. We talked a lot about - em - Alan and I talked a lot about the things that were keeping Linux from really taking over the desktop - not the things he and I usually talk about - in the kernel space - but in the actual user functionality, and we decided to go back to the beginning, as it were - back to the earliest utilities that were available for the majority of the computer users out there.

    (AC)Alan Cox: (To the waitress) I had the bangers - the sausage, uh - and......you know, this doesn't taste like beer much. You got any Guinness ?

    (W)Waitress: Well, honey, we have some of that Red Hook, if you don't like the Bud....

    (AC) All right, I'll try it. You know, for all the genius in the States you people really never got the hang of beer.....

    (W) Most folks around here think it's just right. Where you from? New York?

    (AC) No..... England, actually. But I lived in North Carolina for a couple of years...

    (W) Uh-Huh.

    (LT) ...er, as I was saying, the user space that most of the people in the world were comfortable with, before the Windows user space, and the command line...

    (AC) Mostly we were tired of getting all the crap in the press about how difficult Linux was to use and customize - hey, mum, that was good, can I have another?? And we thought since there was such an incredible user base among people who had used DOS for such a long time that we could....

    (LT) ...That we could really capitalize on this specific group - people old enough to really make decisions in the companies that they work for - IT executives, VP's in charge of purchasing...and...

    (AC) And "the media" just like you, Cliffie...
    ... ... ...

    [June 08, 2000] The evil Linux empire is complete Slashdot reader joke on VA Linux acquisition of Andover.net

    "The merger *will* be completed on schedule, my Master."
    "You have done well, Lord Taco... and now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Hemos."
    "Yes, my Master..."

    With the recent merger of VA systems and Andover.net, Slashdot has gained an unreasonable degree of dominance over the web discussion market, claimed the Justice Department Wednesday. Negotiations are continuing between Andover lawyers and government officials, but a current plan would break Slashdot up into a number of competing operations, each in charge of one of its flagship products:

    Slash: News for nerds
    Dot: Stuff that matters
    org: Hot Grits

    A press release from CmdrTaco claims that they are cooperating with the Justice Department, but do not feel that criticism of their business as monopolistic is warranted. As competition in each of their major areas, Taco cited Kuro5hin, the American Civil Liberties Union, and the work of Jesustussinheadface.

    [April 16, 2000] A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer.

    [April 1, 2000] OpenBSD to merge with RedHat (Press Release) -- nice parody on the opportunism of Bob Yong:

    The new merged operating system will also be released under the Rad Hat Community Source License. Young was quick to point that the new 15 page source license still means business as usual for developers
    and users. "Whatever you could do with the source code before, you can still do under the new license", said Young. "It's just that corporate buyers didn't take us seriously with the GPL or the BSD licenses. Now
    that they have to spend serious cash on lawyers to interpret this thing for them, they view us as a real software vendor.

    [Mar.17, 2000] OPEN SOURCE OPEN SOURCE (PART I) posted to Slashdot by Anonymous Coward on Thursday March 16. Nice parody on Start Wars as one slashdot reader put it "a great take-off/rip on return of the jedi (for what THAT movie was worth)"

    [Feb 9, 2000] Slashdot Science Sleep Deprivation Increases Brain Activity -- contains good parody on Slashdot style:

    Slashdot deprivation (Score:2)
    by 348 on Friday February 11, @07:59PM EST (#48)
    (User Info)

    The ability of the brain to function following Slashdot deprivation appears to vary with the task at hand, and in some cases the brain attempts to compensate for the adverse effects caused by lack of Slashdot, according to a study published in the Feb. 10 issue of Flamebait.

    A team of researchers from the UCSD School of Medicine and the Zelot Affairs Healthcare System, San Diego used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) technology to monitor activity in the brains of Slashdot-deprived subjects performing simple verbal learning tasks.

    They were somewhat surprised to learn that regions of the brain’s prefrontal cortex (PFC) displayed more activity in direct correlation with the subject’s sense of Slashdotness; the Slashdotier the subject, the more active the PFC.

    Furthermore, the temporal lobe, a brain region involved in language processing, was activated during flaming previous posts in troll subjects but not in Slashdot deprived subjects. Additionally, a region of the brain called the parietal lobes, not activated in troll subjects during the posting exercise, was more active when the subjects were deprived of Slashdot. The parietal region normally performs somewhat different functions in the learning process than the temporal region. Although subjects’ memory performance was less efficient with Slashdot deprivation, greater activity in the parietal region was associated with better memory.

    "Only in recent years have we begun to realize the prevalence and severity of Slashdot deprivation in our population, with a significant number of people doing first posts work, suffering from karma lag and so forth," said J. Natalie Portman, M.D., professor of psychiatry at the UCSD and the San Diego VAMC, and an author of the Flamebait paper. "Yet, we don’t know very much about how Slashdot deprivation impairs sexual performance, and how precisely the brain reacts to lack of Slashdot. These findings are just a beginning, and as we learn more, perhaps will be able to devise interventions to alleviate the behavioral impairments associated with lack of Slashdot."

    Never knock on Death's door:
    Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

    [Feb 8, 2000]  Ode to greed

    Ode to Greed (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 09, @09:48AM EST (#137)

    There once was a man from Andover
    Who asked Slashdot to bendover
    He bribed them it seems
    And fulfilled all their dreams
    But slashdot as we knew it is over

    [Jan 21,  2000] Me use linux too IPO open sore Linus open ebiz ASP solutions

    The final destruction of what used to be a charming little OS scene arrived today, Monday, December 13, 1999.

    linuxtoday is spewing forth "me-use-linux-too-IPO-open-sore-Linus-open-ebiz-ASP-solutions" press releases from every backwater, buzzless Joe Q. Corp with a hotmail account...

    OS figureheads are being courted for interviews with a veracity that is usually reserved only for pathological child molesters and internet CEOS, and sometimes both.

    Forty thousand "Embedded Internet eSolution Firewall Privacy Biz Remote" solutions are being deeply discounted to the five people who care enough to add one more yeahd00ditssecure.pl script to their boxes...

    2-bit players are buying half-bit companies without a dime to their names just to get at the word linux in their press releases...

    [Jan 9, 2000] osOpinion: A Letter from Bill GPL as Gate's Public License - not bad ;-)

    Let's give that poor Finn some relief. You've leaned on him too long. Besides, he
    works for my buddy, Paul. Let's help Paul to get his undivided attention for a while.

    [Jan. 7, 2000] ESR parody

    fat-time waddled down the sidewalk with his lubricating midget rapid fire pellet gun tucked firmly under arm. ahead, he noticed a well-dressed man leaning against a building reading a paper.

    "howdy sir, " fat-time nodded.

    "hello friend."

    "whatcha readin' there, sir?"

    "i'm reading about this evil tool of the devil, my friend. they call it open-source software. it's a new software development paradigm brought over here by the communisses."

    fat-time reddened with fury, "bastard communisses!"

    "yes, friend. the communisses are a blight upon our democratic way!"

    the rapid fire pellet gun began to grow impatient, "come on, fat-time, i want some cheese!"

    [Jan. 5, 2000] Finnux redux

    Having resolved in a national referendum that it was high time that the country of Finland should be known for something more than saunas and the world's highest per-capita cell phone use, the Finns will declare an open-source country. Citizenship will be open to anybody who writes any portion of the new constitution. The Finnish parliament, the Eduskunta, will be replaced by a high-powered array of computers that will be responsible for key political decisions such as the appropriate length of time for streetlights to stay yellow. Linux creator and open-source demigod Linus Torvalds, however, will be left out of the decision-making process because of widespread confusion about whether he is a Finn or a penguin.

    Humorix 1998: Church of Linux Established

    SAN JOSE, CA -- The first sanctuary for the new Church of Linux opened today in Silicon Valley. Church founders celebrated by passing out Linux CDs to bystanders and by roasting Windows 98 CDs on a portable BBQ grill. "This is a milestone in computing history," one observer noted.

    The Church of Linux has received official non-profit status from the State of California. It is now a recognized religion. "We founded the CoL because, well, we think Linus Torvalds is God," a CoL members said. "Who else could write such heavenly code? We are currently writing an official Bible; right now we are endorsing 'The Cathedral and the Bazaar' as an interrim manifesto."

    When asked what beliefs the CoL represented, one member wearing a t-shirt with a large penguin logo said: "Simple. Linus is God. Bill is Satan. Writing closed source software is a sin. Any questions?"

    Some industry analysts are skeptical about the Church of Linux. Jessie Burst, Ziff-Slavis writer, wrote in today's AnchorTable column: "These [Linux] people are nuts. Everyone knows that the only true path to salvation is through One Microsoft Way..." John Snorvak, PC Weak columnist added, "A religion based on an OS? Here I've been thinking Amiga users were the strange ones. Shows how little I know."

    ... ... ...

    Transmeta: Front for Illegal Immigration

    SANTA CLARA, CA -- The INS has reported raiding the headquarters of Transmeta, Inc. to uncover a secret Finn smuggling operation. Over the past few months, Transmeta has been secretly bringing "Finnbacks", as they are called, into this country to work in their chip design sweatshop.

    ... ... ...

    Three rules for aspiring Linux Zealots (adapted from Pros, Priests and Zealots The Three Faces of Linux):




    Etc

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